


Magical Fallacies

by kittyfox77



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: All Seven Books!, F/M, Panic Attacks, Ravenclaw, Reborn OC, Reincarnation, Self Insert, Someday, Worrywart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-10-24 15:23:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17706782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyfox77/pseuds/kittyfox77
Summary: This is my new life: Charlotte Campbell, Ravenclaw. I don't remember my past life very well, but I do remember Harry Potter's life...decently well. It's hard to protect a future I'm better off not remembering, especially since I sometimes forget the details! All I want is to be a happy witch with a good life; why did I have to remember all the Harry Potter spoilers?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi AO3! This is my first time posting anything here (I'm a FF.net writer) so if there's anything I'm missing in like, the tags or something please lmk because I have barely any idea what I'm doing. 
> 
> Just a quick note for any cynical readers, this is a self insert. If you ever think I'm taking the whole Ravenclaw thing a bit too far, know that I do actually think this way, pretty much all the time. (That's rather embarrassing to admit, but there it is). Charlotte is her own character though,

I am what some people would call an avid Harry Potter fan. Others would call me a filthy casual. I read a lot of fan fiction (and even did some writing myself), but would be the first to forget major plot points of the books compared to the movies. I am a Ravenclaw, or, at least, I was. I haven't actually been sorted yet- in this life.

I somehow have become a part of the fanfiction cliché of being born into a "fantasy" world. I guess it isn't so much a fantasy now.  
I'd love to say that being born into a wizarding family has been a dream come true, but so far it definitely has not. Mostly because it's been so dull. I mean, I'm laying in my crib right now pretending to tell my life story on fanfiction because I am actually that bored. Being a baby again has definitely sucked. Not that I thought it would be fun, mind you. This certainly isn't something I'd planned on reliving. At least I have lovely parents, though thinking of them as my parents still feels a bit foreign. I'll probably be used to it by the time I'm older. Hopefully.

My dad is an American muggle and my mum is an English witch, so please excuse the jumping back and forth of common phrasing. I have somehow managed to amalgamate their verbiage into some half-and-half nightmare that no one will be able to understand when I start talking.  
But since I can't talk yet, I'm bored out of my skull. I'd kill for a good book right now; in fact, I'd love to get a head start on studying magic. Maybe I could graduate from Hogwarts early? Though with how much fun Hogwarts is, I don't think I'd actually want to. Maybe I could take extra electives?! That sounds like so much fun. Oh, I wish I could just go to Hogwarts right now! Ah sorry, my inner Ravenclaw is totally geeking out right now.

In my boredom, I'd worked out a few goals and plans for myself so that I wouldn't actually lose my mind. First, and most importantly, I need to find out the date and put my memory to the test to see if I can remember what time period means what. Is this a Marauder's fanfiction or will I be in Harry's class? 

Am I older than him? The same age? I'm certainly not a love interest, I know that much.

Second, did I actually possess magic? The anxious part of me told me that being a squib is entirely possible and despite the fact that it's unlikely, I can't help but worry.

Third, I need to figure out how to get my hands on a book that is longer than four words so that I can actually read something. These long hours in my crib are really taking their toll.

The fourth plan...I didn't want to think about it until I knew the date.

At first I worried about somehow alerting my new parents to the fact that I'm not technically a baby, but my body did a fine job of shielding me from scrutiny. I thought I'd be crawling and talking in no time, but my stupid muscles won't cooperate with me and my mouth just doesn't move the way I expect it to. In the end, it still took me months to work up to even the simplest of things.

…...

"Dada," I gurgle. I'd decided he is my favorite, so I'm blessing him with my first word. I wonder if all babies do this?

"Did you hear that?" My dad turns to my mom, and they both look at me like I had sprouted a second head. Uh oh. Is this too soon? I really should have read more child development books in my last life. Oh well, I'm in too deep now. Maybe if I really push myself I can just be considered a child wizard genius and avoid the insane lab tests?

"Dada," I try again. My dad bursts into tears. I laugh. Maybe this is just how all parents react.

…...

The year is 1980 and I have no idea what this means for me. Ugh, why am I always so forgetful?! Wait, didn't the series end in 1990? No, if Harry is born in '80 that would only make him 10 in 1990. Maybe that's when the series starts? It doesn't go into the 2000's, right? I'm almost sure of that. Damn, why is everything so jumbled in my head? Well, I'm sure I'm not with the marauders. But am I older or younger than Harry? Wait, do I get my Hogwarts letter when I'm 10 or 11?

…..

I'm finally walking and talking- months before I'm supposed to, I might add- and things are starting to get more interesting. I've convinced my parents of my love of books, though pretending to stare at the pages of children's books is already starting to get on my nerves. Fortunately for me, I think I'm finally coordinated enough to start pulling books off their shelves by myself. Though I admit it feels so, so sad that this is what I've been working up to for the last few months.

Now that I've been reincarnated, all my past knowledge of heredity has been thrown out the window, but I can tentatively say that I got my love of books from my grandmother. If she's not a Ravenclaw, I really want to know what her house is. Grandma's house is filled to the brim with books on magic, so much so that her bookshelves go all the way to the floor. It's my dream house and I love it. Grandma is my only relative that lives close by, so I get dropped off a lot with her when my parents are working. After my parents say goodbye, I decide that today I am finally going to try to read something of my own choosing.

"What are you up to, sweetheart?" Grandma says, startling me as I pulling a book off the shelf. I knew she wouldn't leave me out of her sight long, but I was hoping it would be longer than that! I try not to flinch as I turn around to show her the book. There are baby toys littered all over the floor, but all I want is to read and I'm not going to give up now! The book I chose is Hogwarts: A History. I didn't think I would be lucky enough to find a textbook here. I'm ecstatic! Now I just have to make sure that she won't take it away from me.

"'Dis one!" I shout happily as I show her the book. This is my first time trying to take a real book, so I am nervous as to how it will play out. I plop myself down on the living room floor and open it. I would have liked to start from the beginning, but I feel I should be more subtle than that, so I open it to a random page. Then I looked up at my grandma and waited for her response.

"Are you sure you want that one, sweetie? It seems a bit big for you." She leans down to take the book from me, but I expected this.

"No! 'Dis one!" I shout again, defensively throwing myself over the book. Grandma laughs.

"Ok, ok. Just be careful, alright? Let's move to the kitchen so I can start on dinner."

Perfect. Grandma is going to be distracted with food prep, so I won't have to worry as often about her watching me. I need to be careful that she doesn't look too closely though. If she catches my eyes tracking, I don't know what she'll think.

…..

I'm almost two, which means I have boundless energy. I just wish I had something meaningful to do with it. Having an adults brain in a child's body, I thought I'd be able to do amazing things, but instead I just use all my excess energy to stay up late and worry. I liked it better when I didn't have to worry.  
I was hoping that when I learned the date, I'd remember the timeline of events and when Tom fell from power (yes, I'm referring to "Voldemort". I'll show him the proper respect...never. Screw that guy.), but instead I remembered absolutely nothing. I am playing this game only knowing half the information and some of that might not even be right! Stupid memory!

Unfortunately for me, my parents are the type to never talk about anything negative in front of their child; they would always either whisper while shooting me concerned glances or walk away. This happens often enough that I have suspicions that Tom is still around, but I can't know for sure. That is, not until Halloween of 1981. When I learn the date, I worry a bit, since I am pretty sure I am probably going to school around the same time as Harry. I'm proven right when I hear my parent's cheers this fateful night. This is the worst case scenario, as far as I'm concerned. Now I have a few key facts that I know for certain: Harry and I are about the same age (I'm 6 months older, since for some reason I can remember that his birthday is in July), we'll be going to school together, and Harry's parents are dead.

After Halloween, I spend a lot more time worrying and wishing I could spend far more time studying. I need to prepare for the worst because it is coming. I didn't want to think about it before when I wasn't sure where I was in the timeline, but this is the worst outcome I could have imagined and I need to start planning.

My fear and the major issue at play here is that despite my shoddy memory, I know way too much. I know about (all?) of the horcruxes, I know Snape is a spy, and I know Dumbledore dies at the end of the sixth book. Just knowing about Snape could derail everything in an extremely negative way.  
Now this is the point in the fanfiction where I'm supposed to say something heroic like, I'm going to change every bad thing that happened or I'm going to save my favorite character, but... I don't know. This isn't a sad story with a bad ending. The main characters live happily ever after, the bad guy is defeated. Sirius... Sirius keeps me awake at night, sometimes, but would he really have it any other way? He doesn't seem like the type to half heartedly throw himself in to anything. How could I guarantee that he wouldn't just die in the battle of Hogwarts later on? Or die an even worse death some other way? Maybe I would have tried if I had been born with the Marauders. Maybe I'd have done everyone a favor and ringed Peter's stupid, fat neck myself, but that ship has long sailed. Sirius was thrown into prison months ago, and Lily and James are dead. Maybe if I'm lucky I can manage to save Fred or Remus, but that's so many years from now and such a chaotic moment I can't really plan for it.

This leads me back to the real issue at hand- how to avoid being caught. In a normal situation, all I would have to do is not slip up that I know about future events and everything would be fine, but noooo every important person in Hogwarts has to be a legilimens, including Tom! Ironically, Dumbledore poses as much of a threat to me as Tom does; I've seen his games and the way he uses Harry. If he could know everything that I do- I have no idea what he would do to me or that information. Ironically, despite knowing so much about the man, I feel like I barely know him at all. I guess it makes sense since I got the story from Harry's point of view.

I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore did the same thing that Tom would do: take the message and kill the messenger. It would eliminate him having to deal with me as a liability. Tom is only slightly more up in the air as an immediate threat because I have no idea if Tom can still use occlumency when he's with Quarrel, but as far as I know all I need is to walk by that loser professor once and I am as good as dead. I've seen enough movie scenes of Tom torturing people to know that if he finds out what I know- well he probably won't have to torture me for long before he gets what he wants and kills me.

The worst part is that it's not even my own life that I'm concerned about- it's everyone else's. I've never even met these people before, but I would feel so guilty destroying their lives just by...being born. I close my eyes and try to sleep, forcibly pushing away the stressful thoughts. This is why two year olds aren't meant to be smart. I've been kicking around my bed for hours overthinking this stuff. I'm gonna be so exhausted tomorrow. I try harder to shut everything out but one tiny voice still lingers, the one that I haven't been able to quiet since Halloween, "Wouldn't it be better if you just died?"

…...

Fall turns to winter and Christmas is coming up fast. Christmas is my favourite holiday, and even though my presents from my first Christmas were a little young for my taste, I still enjoyed the season immensely. Unfortunately, I am really struggling to get into the holiday season this year. Knowing that Tom will be around in my future is leaving me stressed and anxious, and Tom doesn't even know that I exist yet! I'm suddenly became very envious of Harry's blasé attitude about having a mass murderer on his trail through much of the series. I should be enjoying myself and my new family- I'm technically only a child- but I can't get my mind off the fact that I am wasting so much precious time and not preparing myself so that I won't send everyone down a horrible path. My family is starting to notice that I'm not sleeping well, since I am napping longer and more frequently. Soon I might have to tell them about the nightmares, just so they won't worry that I'm sick or something. I could have told them sooner, but the idea of faking some childish story every night sounded like more effort than I was willing to put in for some hugs and warm milk. At least they aren't night terrors- those literally make you wake up screaming, no matter what they're about.

I've been getting a bit more brazen with my reading, just to alleviate a bit of my stress; I finally managed to sneak a readable book in to my room and have been reading late into the night. Lately I've found it easier to just read until I'm about to pass out so I don't have to think so much. I've thought myself in to oblivion over the past year and a half- now I just want a respite from it.

Christmas morning finds me fast asleep, having stayed up particularly late to avoid a nasty nightmare that had been recurring for a few days now. My family comes to wake me (Grandma had stayed the night) and despite how rough the last few months had felt, I can't keep away my excitement.

"It's Christmas, Charlotte! Wake up!" My parents call gently.

"Chwismas?" I ask blearily, rubbing at my eyes as the information slowly makes it to my brain. Chwismas!" I hurl myself out of bed and into their arms.  
Today I just want to be a child. A happy, normal child.

"Do you want to go see your presents?"

"Yeah!" I gleefully shoot down the hallway, all remnants of sleep vanishing in my wake. My uncertain walk is quickly upgrading to a run, and I will be eternally grateful for the day I can sprint. I am so, so tired of waddling like a duck.

My parents shower their only child with gifts, and despite my good mood, I can't help the guilty thoughts that sneak into my head. Would they still treat me this way if they knew the truth? Would they even consider me theirs? Have I robbed them of their only chance to raise a child?  
I give my grandmother a guilty smile as she hands me her last gift, her expression soft and almost, sad? What would she say if she knew what you really are?

I let my parents help me unwrap it, as they have with all my gifts, but at least I get to tear some of the wrapping paper off, which is the best part anyway. We all laugh as I throw the paper high above my head, and I almost oust the intrusive thoughts until my eyes land on my grandma's gift.

"Oh mum, it's beautiful." My mum holds it out for her and dad to see, and I look at the back with tears in my eyes. It's a blanket.

"I knit it myself." It really is beautiful. It's a picture of the ocean at sunset, with a quote etched in to the middle of it. She had clearly used magic to help her in her work, as the picture moves slightly, as if blown by the sea breeze. Even from behind I am able to read it, and I can barely hold back the sob that tries to escape me as I do.

Family: An anchor during rough waters

I look at my grandmother in disbelief, but she is distracted by my parents ogling the gift. She can't know. Can she? I have never really mentioned my love of the sea to anyone. It has never come up as it wasn't important. It's normal to give a child a gift that says how much you love them. Why am I over analyzing this?

The tears that had started at seeing her gift are now turning into tears of frustration. I feel like all I ever do is over analyze everything. I'm tired and scared and lonely and not even two. It is clearly nap time. So I take all of my pent up frustrations and do what any one-and-a-half year old would do: I cry about it.

…...

One considerably long nap later with my brand new blanket (I refuse to go anywhere without it), I am back to my family with a huge grin on my face. Having had the chance to mull it over, I can't know if my grandma somehow knows the truth or if fate is just playing tricks on me, but I believe what my gift tells me: my family loves me no matter what. I am not going to tell them the truth today (or possibly ever), but for now, it doesn't make sense to worry about it. They love Charlotte, and that is me, so that's that.

"I know you love your new blanket, Charlotte, but will you leave it here so we can show you your last gift?" I am amenable to that, seeing as I'm not actually one-and-a-half, so I put my gift down and follow my parents outside. "Ta-da!" My dad shouts, the glee on his face mirroring mine when I get a look at my new toy.

A broomstick! No way!

I hear my mum sigh as I run up to my gift. "Are you sure it's safe?" she grumbles. "Men and their toys."

"You're the one who introduced me to quidditch, remember?"

"You asked about it! It's not like I actually care for the sport!"

"I swear you're the only witch who doesn't," he sighs. "Of all the rotten luck," he mutters to me.

"I heard that!" My mum laughs, coming over to playfully punch my dad in the arm. "You're awfully quiet about this, mum. I thought you would be on my side about not having our daughter flying around and getting herself hurt." My grandma looks at me with the same expression she had when she gave me her gift and it makes me wonder.

"I think she'll be all right." She never takes her eyes off me as she smiles and I am sure that she knows.

I try not to think about the fact that I suddenly feel exposed as I turn to listen to my dad's instructions on how to fly a broom. He is being extremely technical for a one year old, but I know that is just his enthusiasm talking. They don't all know, surely. I surreptitiously try to look over at my grandmother as she speaks to my mum, but it seems like her eyes are always on me. Why am I so afraid of her all of a sudden?  
Because you don't know what she'll do with the information. My anxious brain immediately supplies the answer.

Will she tell my parents? How long has she known? Wait, she made the blanket for me, clearly she's known for a few days at least. But how does she know? Did I give it away? There's no way she could have pieced it all together from the few clues I may have left behind. Maybe she— the ocean! She knows I love the ocean! I have never told anyone that, it has only ever been in my mind, which means— she's a legilimens? I turn to look at her again, and I swear she gives an almost imperceptible nod, her eyes glueing to mine.

I wonder if she meant to give me the blanket to help me figure it out or just to make me feel better. Probably the latter. Though if she's been inside my head this whole time she probably knew I'd figure it out too. Two birds with one stone I guess.  
My mind is swirling with new possibilities, hopes, and fears, and my dad has just finished his explanation of how to ride the tiny toy broom.

"Hop on, sweetie! You can do it!" I guess now is as good a time as any to find out if I am a natural on a broom. I hop on and kick off, leaving all my fears behind me in the roaring wind.

…..

The week after Christmas could not have moved any more slowly if it tried. Both of my parents had another week off for the holidays, so they spent all their time with me, which meant I could not get a moment alone with my grandmother. I could barely contain my agitation at this turn of events, and spent as much time as possible on my broom to make up for it. Fortunately, I had been a natural. Apparently the books were quite good at explaining most of the intricacies of riding a broomstick, since it all felt oddly familiar somehow. In any case, my dad was ecstatic and my mum was disappointed. I couldn't wait to finally ride a real broom, since being a natural at riding a toy broom only meant so much. When I wasn't on my broom I agonized over what I would say to my grandmother when I finally got to speak to her. She had told me that she still loved me through the blanket, but... Ugh all this worrying about it is definitely going to make me grey really, really young!

Fortunately time has not been magically forced to a standstill, and eventually my parents go back to work and drop me off at my grandma's house. I gulp nervously as they say their goodbyes. Soon I will be alone with the only person in the world who knows who I really am. Suddenly being lonely doesn't seem that bad.

"We don't have to talk today if you don't want to," my grandmother starts, shocking me out of my reverie. I turn to face her guiltily, her blanket wrapped around my clenched fists. There are some childish tendencies I don't mind picking up again, like being allowed to carry a comforting blanket around with me at all times.

I think about taking her up on her offer and avoiding this talk. Pretending that nothing has changed, that I am just an almost two year old, but as soon as I imagine it I know I can't do it any longer.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the floor. I yelp in surprise as I am snatched in to a hug, but I happily return it.

"Don't ever be sorry for being born, little girl."

"But I'm-"

"Still a lot younger than me, I'm sure." She smiles as she sets me down on the couch.

"I'm sorry for-"

"Shh, shh. No more sorries. I've heard enough of them in that pretty little head of yours. You've been apologizing for things outside of your control since the day you were born." I stare at my hands, feeling defeated for some reason. I don't know what else to say. The moment has finally come and I completely blank except for apologizes.

"You're a legilimens?" I grasp at the first thought that pops into my head. My grandmother looks a little surprised for a moment.

"The voice in your head sounds so much older. It feels strange to hear such big words with that tiny voice of yours," she comments. I pretend to pout and she laughs.

"I'm a grown up, I swear!" We both laugh. It feels so absurd to be talking to someone like this in this child's body that I'm stuck in.

"To answer your question, I practice legilimency and occlumency. I was an auror back in the day, and I found it to be a lot easier to find the evidence of a crime when I already knew who had done it."

"Because occlumency by itself is inadmissible in court." I am rather impressed with myself for knowing that and judging by her expression, so is my grandma.

"You know some very interesting facts, Charlotte."

"Do you want to ask me anything? It only seems fair. And I'm not sure how much you know," I admit. She takes a long pause before answering.

"Do you remember what your name was?" she asks quietly. "You've never thought about it before."

"I..." I'm taken aback by her question and have to take a moment myself to figure out my answer. "I hadn't really thought about it, but no. I don't remember any personal details like that. I think I was relatively young though. Having children seems like a foreign concept and my thought processes don't really come across as someone older, but I could be wrong, of course. It definitely wasn't Charlotte though. I'm trying to get used to it, but that name feels foreign to me."

My grandmother and I blink at one another for a moment as we both realize something at the same time.

"That is the longest I've ever spoken in my entire life."

"You've been faking that baby talk?" She asks, aghast.

"Of course I have! You've been listening to me think, haven't you?"

"I thought you had a speech impediment!"

"Isn't that a mental thing? I know how to speak properly!"

"You barely ever spoke! I just assumed you thought a lot because you didn't speak well!"

"No, I barely spoke because I didn't want to give myself away. I figured it was better to just be a quiet child than use a word too big for my vocabulary and make my parents freak out."

"Oh, well, now I know," she says, matter-of-factly. I had a feeling it might have ticked her off a bit to already have to deal with a back talking granddaughter.

"You're not going to tell them, are you?" I ask nervously.

"They will still love you, even if I do."

"But you won't, right?" The rising panic is not doing anything kind to my already high pitched voice.

"No. While I don't agree with a lot of your reasoning, I do agree that telling them would bring undue stress. But please don't distance yourself from them, sweetie. They love all of you. Your soul may be older, but it's still shining through for all of us to see."

"Damnit! That is so beautiful!" I cry.

"Hey, no cursing in this house, young lady!" Grandma smacks me on the side of the head and I cry even harder. So far my dream of living the life of a happy witch is being fulfilled.

I would like to say that the rest of our talk is filled with nothing but laughter and joy but that would be a lie. Eventually we end up talking about the people who scare me the most.

"I had no idea Dumbledore is an occlumens," my grandmother muses.

"You didn't know?"

"I'd never really thought about it. I didn't know of the craft when I went to school and I didn't have a lot of personal contact with the man before or after I went there. You really don't think he will be able to help you?"

"No!" That is not a risk I will ever be willing to take. "I know what he's capable of doing for the sake of what he considers the greater good. He would probably end up killing us all by mistake."

My grandma grimaces. "That's a very frightening thing to hear coming out of a child's mouth."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. But what if you show him your memories? Then he will understand why you feel this way. Maybe he will leave things as they are if he sees how firmly you believe that they will work out."

"But I can't guarantee that they will. Just by existing I could be changing the way things turn out. What if I accidentally trip Harry down the stairs one day and he breaks his neck? The entire wizarding world would fall because I'm alive."

"Now Charlotte you might be being a little overdramatic-"

"Say it's a metaphor for something more complex," I deadpan.

"So you want to take multiple timelines into consideration? I worked on a group project in Arithmancy in my seventh year on multiple timelines. The math was ridiculous, and in the end we couldn't come up with anything conclusive. All we found was that there are more timelines than anyone can ever hope to analyze, and the changing of timelines is so frequent and subtle that it would take magic far stronger than we have to figure out the intricacies behind it all."

"In other words-"

"Trying to figure out if the timelines have changed is a fool's errand."

"But I remember the original timeline! I'll be able to compare them!" I argue.

"If they are even worth comparing. What if Harry ends up having Herbology on Tuesdays instead of Wednesdays? Are you going to assume that all has been for naught?"

"As if I would remember something so inconsequential," I mutter.

"How do you know it isn't important?"

I scratch my head and whine in frustration. "I don't know! What's your point?"

"That is my point. You don't know and you won't know. So there is no point in worrying about it."

"But I have to worry about it! If we're on a totally different timeline then my information is meaningless. I could possibly live a normal life without fearing anyone's wrath."

"You know that's not true," Grandma's eyes soften, despite her harsh words.

"I know," I sigh. "They will want the information, even if it's wrong. But then I might actually have to go around saving the world, and that sounds just as hard as trying not to wreck it. At least when I'm trying not to wreck it I know what's going to happen. In a bad timeline anything is fair game. Could you imagine if Snape is actually a bad guy? I'd be so fuc-"

"Watch your language!"

I cough. "Sowwy, grandma," I coo.

"Don't give me that crap!" We laugh. Being able to talk about this with someone felt so liberating, like I could finally figure all of this out, and I wouldn't have to do it all alone.

…...

After a few more days of talking and strategizing, we both agree that my best course of action is to learn occlumency. That will give me nine years to perfect it before starting school (after being reminded that I get my Hogwarts letter at eleven, not ten).

"But what if I'm not magical?" I finally get up the courage to ask. "Shouldn't I be using accidental magic by now?"

"Every child is different, sweetheart. And with an adult's mind, you may be inadvertently suppressing it. Just give it some time."

"But how will I be able to practice occlumency?"

"Well first, you need to learn some much-needed meditation. You have to be able to quiet your mind."

I look at my grandmother like she has grown two heads. "I am so fu-"

"Language!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this next chapter! I'm holding the next one hostage until I get 5 kudos, just so I know I'm not wasting my time putting these up. If there are no kudos, than clearly no one likes it...

The next two years pass in quick succession thanks to the routine grandma and I develop. I spend my days meditating and reading at her house and she loans me Hogwarts textbooks that she charms to look like children's books for when I go home. Besides learning occlumency, I have a secondary goal to get through the entire Hogwarts curriculum before I start school. I have no idea how distracted I will be trying to save the world one way or the other, and being stuck in Harry's year (having finally looked that up) I know that a fair amount of my education will be sub-par. It is really a shame I can't practice spell-casting yet. I would love to be able to get the jump on some death eaters should the need arise. (I am not cocky enough to think I wid ever get the jump on Tom. I might not venerate him but I'm not an idiot).

I try my hardest to enjoy my time with my parents, but it's still a bit difficult being so young. Unfortunately, they've taken my general lack of speaking as a need to spend more time with children my age, which has been awful. I don't know if it carried over from my past life, but I'm not really a fan of kids. I struggle with how to deal with them and they're so noisy! A general play date involves me coaxing my parents to take whatever child I have been saddled with and myself to the park so that I can climb on top of the monkey bars and watch the child beneath me try to make friends with me. Thinking back on it, maybe my general reactions to other kids didn't really do anything to lessen my parent's concern...

…..

"They're worried about me, aren't they?" I inquire. I had been left to my own devices while my parents spoke to grandma. We are alone now that they have headed off to work.

"Of course they are. They tell me you haven't been getting along with the other children." She gives me a disapproving look. "I thought you said you were going to try to behave yourself."

"I have been! They're just so annoying. And they're constantly throwing me curve balls! Something that makes them happy today makes them cry tomorrow. I can't keep up with the little brats!"

"You are four years old now," I raise an eyebrow at her. "Oh stop it. You are four years old and you need to start acting like it before your parents send you to a counselor." My eyes widen at this unexpected news.

"Did they really say that?"

"And do you know how hard it was to convince them not to send you off to school? No, because you never think of the burdens you put on your sweet, old grandmother-" I cut off her fake deprecation with the biggest hug I can manage with my small arms.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome, little one."

"So I'm not going to school this year or...?"

"It took some time, but I finally got them to believe me that I'm not too old for this teaching nonsense. So I'll be your teacher until you go off to Hogwarts."

"No way!" I am bouncing with glee.

"But in return, you must behave yourself better around other children. If you can't manage that on your own then I will have to start taking you on play dates every day until you learn. Is that understood?"

"But I don't wanna!" I pout.

"How old are you?" She asks sternly.

"...Four!" I shout and run away, laughing and screaming playfully as she runs after me. Maybe being four won't be so hard after all.

…...

Learning to still my mind has been challenging, to say the least. From the outside looking in, it must be very impressive to see a six year old meditating, but even I don't know how old I really am and letting my mind wander is not going to help me see how old I can get. I just wish I would see some progress!

It doesn't help that I still haven't shown an ounce of magic. My family and I are starting to get worried.

"Grandma?" I call across the house.

"I thought you were supposed to be meditating, dear." She calls back, the disapproval in her voice clear.

"I know, but I can't help thinking-"

"You never can, dear. That's why you're supposed to be meditating."

"I know, but-"

"Then why aren't you meditating?"

"What if I'm a squib?" I shout, fear finally pushing me to say it out loud. The question hangs in the air like smog, making my eyes water and my breath hitch. What if this was all for nothing? I sit quietly as my mind spins until my grandmother appears from the kitchen and squats before me.

"And what if your mind is holding you back because you haven't learned to control it yet?" I open my mouth to reply, but realize I have no idea what to say to that. I stare at her blankly, my jaw slack as the truth of what she said hits me like a speeding train. My greatest strength in this life is currently my greatest weakness. If I can't control my thoughts my life will quickly be made forfeit, but if I can, my life can be anything I want.

My eyes must have lit up at the thought because grandma pats my head and stands up. "By Jove, I think she's got it!" She heads back to the kitchen and I get started on finally quieting my mind.

…...

It takes me a year of constant practice, but it all pays off when I become Darth Vader. "I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me," I mutter. Grandma told me to find a mantra that works for me- something I could repeat endlessly in order to keep out unwanted thoughts and this one is perfect. I repeat my mantra until my mind is clear and then I stare intensely at the water bottle in front of me. I reach my hand towards it and say the incantation, "Accio, water bottle." Like the thousand times I had tried before, nothing happens, but as I turn away and pull my hand back towards me dismissively, something painfully smacks the side of my head. Lying on the ground next to me is the water bottle! I look at it, look at my hand, and back at it before shouting at the top of my lungs, "I'M DARTH VADER!". Grandma comes running pretty quickly after hearing that.

…...

I definitely feel like I have gone through an intense training montage by the time I hit my eleventh birthday. Not only have I gone through the entire Hogwarts curriculum (with some pretty intense tutoring through Arithmancy thanks to Grandma), but I am using wandless magic semi-decently around the house. I have made a few neighborhood friends that don't drive me crazy and my parents think I am a well adjusted eleven year old girl.

Seven a.m. on the dot I'm up and out of bed. I can't wait for one more second to get my Hogwarts letter. I've done my waiting, eleven years of it…"in Azkaban!"

...Too soon? Or not soon enough, I suppose.

I put those sorts of thoughts aside, it's my birthday after all, and run downstairs to get the mail. The mailman generally comes at 7 and I'm willing to sit at the door and wait for him. My parents offered to throw me a party but I politely declined. I am not waiting one more hour to have my wand and in a few days time I will be doing magic at my grandmother's house. My mom's family has this obnoxious tradition that we don't get our wands until we get our Hogwarts letter and my patience has been growing thin.

"What are you waiting for?" Dad asks. I've been sitting here for ten minutes now, cross legged just in front of the mail slot.

"My letter!" I chirp.

"What letter?"

"My Hogwarts letter?" I say slowly, horrible realization dawning on me.

"Didn't Mom say you would be getting that in July?"

Oh dammit!

…..

Six months pass slower than ever. I don't know when my letter will arrive in July so I stop trying to think about it. There's no point in riling myself up every day over something that might not even be there. One morning as I'm wandering down the stairs I notice my dad waiting for me at the landing.

"There's someone in the kitchen to see you," he says mysteriously. I look at him quizzically. Who could be here this early? Grandma had spent the night so he shouldn't be talking about her. "Instead of wondering, why don't you go see?" After so many years of being a quiet child, (I never broke the habit) my parents are totally used to my silent stares and long pauses of thought. I'll probably end up being labeled a weird kid at school, but better that than being ousted as an adult, I suppose.

I run to the kitchen excitedly, still trying to figure out who could be here when my eyes are drawn to the owl happily taking bacon from my mom's hand. Oh, duh. After eleven years of magical living, I thought I'd be used to it by now, but something always catches me off guard.

"Look what came, Charlotte!" Mom announces. She even left the letter attached to the owl's leg so I could take it off. She knows me so well!

"Can I?" I ask quietly, reaching for the owl.

"Of course! This is your big day!" My grandma answers. I didn't even notice her at the table when I walked in.

I carefully reach for the owl's leg and untie the string holding my letter. It is addressed directly to me. Without any further ado, I rip it open and take in the words I've waited so long to read,

Dear Miss Charlotte Campbell, 

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

"Yes!"

….

I had been to Diagon Alley a few times before today and had enjoyed it immensely, but the trip to get my wand feels like the first time all over again. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me as I bounce down the cobbled streets. Today I don't have to fake anything- I feel exactly like an eleven year old on her way to get her wand.

"Do you want to get ice cream first?" Dad asks.

"No!" I immediately shout, running past the ice cream shop. My family laughs. They all knew that's what my answer would be, despite my love of ice cream. "After!" I add as an afterthought. Ice cream after dealing with Ollivander does sound nice.

I burst into the wand shop ahead of my parents, despite their complaints that I should slow down. I've waited far too long for this to hold on for one more second! Unfortunately, I'm also not paying a bit of attention and run straight in to someone.

"Ouch," I mutter, taking a step back and rubbing my now sore nose.

"Oh, uh, sorry 'bout that." I hear the apology but I haven't bothered to look at this person as I'm wiping the tears from my eyes. I hit my nose surprisingly hard!

"Not sure why you're apologizing when I ran-" I stop dead as I finally blink the tears away and realize I am face to face with one of the many people I did not want to meet. "Harry…" I say dumbly, eyeing the slightly obscured scar as if that's what clued me in.

"Charlotte, who are you talking to?" My dad comes up behind me, trying to give his best scary dad impression, when his eyes also land on the famous scar. "Oh, wow."

We are now awkwardly stopped in the middle of Ollivander's shop.

"I, uh, guess you should be going?" I try desperately, wanting Harry to be anywhere but here.

"R-right." At this point we're all blushing from the embarrassment of the situation.

"Oh, Harry!" My mom starts (when did she come in?). Harry stops in his tracks and turns back and I can't believe it when she says, "Why don't you come get ice cream with us?"

No!

"Oh, um, I…" Mercifully it seems like Harry wants to get ice cream with us as much as I want him to.

"Are you here by yourself?" I gently direct the conversation towards calmer waters.

"Oh, no, Hagrid," Harry leaps for the lifeline I've thrown him as he clumsily tries to put a sentence together. "I have someone waiting for me. I should probably go…"

"Bye!" I say before my parents can butt in any further. They both seem like they want to say more, but I drag their attention away from The Boy Who Lived by walking up to Ollivander's empty counter. "Hello! Can I please get a wand?"

Ollivander eyes me creepily, albeit totally expectedly. I try to be patient as he sizes me up, but I end up fidgeting.

"Interesting...Very interesting." Isn't that what he said to Harry in the movies? He can't even think of different phrasing for me? So rude. Ollivander suddenly turns away from me and reaches for a wand. He speaks as he turns back to me, "Ash, 10 inches, with a unicorn core."

I take the wand slowly, completely awestruck. It's beautiful. I absolutely love it...and it's snatched out of my hand in a moment.

"Close, but not quite," he mutters. "Ah, this one." He moves further to the back of the cramped shop and pulls out a different wand. "Beech, 9 inches, with a dragon heartstring core. This is a wand not for the narrow minded or intolerant," I smile at this description as he hands the wand to me.

As soon as the wand touches my fingertips, I know it's the one. I can feel my magic coursing through me, as if for the first time, and it shoots from my wand before I even realize what's happening. A bright light fills the room, quickly becoming blinding. Just as I close my eyes to the light, there's a sudden loud bang, and the flow of magic stops.

"D-Did I do all that?" I whisper, wide-eyed. My parents look flabbergasted but Ollivander just looks contemplative.

"A beech wand is for a witch wise beyond her years. It seems that your wand anticipates much wisdom from you."

I can't tell if I want to laugh or feel threatened. Even my wand has me figured out! I guess I should expect nothing less from such a powerful magical object.

Ollivander takes the wand from my grasp and puts it back in its box before handing it to my parents; I'm still technically underage, after all, and they pay while chatting amicably with the old man. My grandmother stands quietly in the background so I make my way over to her.

"Ironic, huh?" I joke.

"Wands know their owners better than they know themselves," she agrees. "Now, let's go get that ice cream."

We all leave the shop with my new wand in tow, my unfortunate meeting with Harry all but forgotten.

….

I've had to be patient for so long (so, so long) but now the moment has finally arrived- I get to use my new wand! I don't know how my grandma got it in her possession but here it is! I spend a few moments holding it, getting used to the feel of it.

"I love it," I whisper happily.

"Are you ready?" Grandma asks me.

"So ready!"

Grandma knew that I wanted to work on spellcasting as soon as I had my wand, and since I know the limitations on checking for underage magic, I know we don't have to worry about the law coming down on us in her house. She was more than happy to help me, but we agreed that it wouldn't be sensible for me to practice first year spells. I would have to learn and practice them in class anyway, and it could look suspicious if I'm better than all my classmates. Instead we would focus on more practical, albeit simple, spells. Just because I have more knowledge of magic doesn't mean I'm magically (pardon my pun) better at its practical application.

"First we'll begin with the disillusionment charm," Grandma starts.

"Wait, what? I thought we said we were going to start with simple spells!"

"That is simple."

"Are you sure it isn't just simple for you?" I argue.

"It's easier than you think. Besides, didn't you say you wanted to learn useful spells?" I grumble but grudgingly agree.

"Alright, I'm listening."

…

The weeks before school race by as I finish preparing. Grandma doesn't know that since I got my wand I've been having increasingly worse nightmares- I don't want to worry her, after all. Instead of sleeping, I've been constantly preparing myself. Due to the complexity of the spellwork, it takes the entirety of my free time to practice the disillusionment charm. I've been trying not to get frustrated with my slow progress the past few weeks; I thought it would come easily to me, but it's been harder than I expected. The rest of my time is spent fortifying my mental defenses. 

Having so much time to learn it, I have also been able to work on the other side of occlumency that Harry has (will?) never learn- misdirection. I have become mildly adept at taking a legilimens and leading them towards memories of this life in order to prevent them from seeing memories of my past life. Grandma says I am good enough but I still worry. I can't afford to waste a moment.

"I'm sending you home," Grandma says suddenly, after a particularly grueling attack on my mental fortitude.

"What? But I need to practice!"

"No, you need to rest. You'll be at Hogwarts in three days," she says in her maddeningly calm voice.

"I know! That's why I need to be ready!"

"When is the last time you slept?" she asks suddenly, catching me off guard.

"Yesterday," I answer automatically.

"For more than an hour at a time," she clarifies. I pause at this. "When is the last time you meditated? We've been working on your strength of mind so you wouldn't fall into these patterns, but ever since you got your wand you've been acting like you're two years old all over again. You're practically hysterical."

"I-I…" I can feel the tears coming before I come to terms with what's happening. I really am hysterical.

"You're a smart girl, Charlotte. Did you wonder why the disillusionment charm was giving you so much trouble? If you were focused and well rested you would already have it. Your fears of falling behind are what is causing you to fall behind. I was hoping you would see it for yourself, but your sleep deprivation has turned your intense focus into blinders. I've never seen you so focused on nothing." I begin to cry through her admonishment, my hands covering my face in embarrassment and sorrow. Despite being an adult at the start of this life, I wasn't naive enough to think I didn't have any growing up to do. Grandma has taught me so much and I grew up with her all over again, but just as she is about to send me on my way, I prove that I haven't learned anything. I feel like such a failure.

"I'm sorry," I whisper into my hands. Grandma pulls my hands away and lifts my chin. I can't bare to look her in the eye right now.

"Please look at me, you silly girl." I'm surprised to find that she doesn't sound disappointed or angry. I finally acquiesce. She smiles at me and lets go of my chin. "You judge yourself so harshly. I just want you to take care of yourself." I nod sullenly. "I want you to take the next few days to rest." She puts a hand up to stop me from my inevitable argument. "There are a few things I want you to remember while you're at school: you are your own worst enemy; breathe; if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to owl; and I will always, always love you."

"Grandma why do you sound like you're rushing?" I ask.

"Mum, we're here!" My dad and mum burst into my grandmother's house. She already called them over! I give my grandma a glare and she smiles sheepishly.

"Go home. Rest. I'll see you over the summer hols," she says quietly as my parents come over.

"You're not seeing me off?" My parents come up beside me as I speak.

"I unfortunately cannot. I'll send you an owl as soon as I can, okay?"

"I know you want grandma to be there, sweetie, but we'll take you to the Hogwarts Express. Maybe we'll get ice cream beforehand. How does that sound?" Dad tries to make me feel better and it sort of works.

"I guess so." Grandma and I hug and finish our goodbyes. I still feel like it's too soon, but before I know it I'm in the car on the way to my house.

….

I spend the next few days replaying what Grandma said over and over in my head.

"I'm my own worst enemy," I mutter to myself as I stare at my ceiling. I've been doing a fair amount of flying to blow off some steam, but other than that I've taken Grandma's advice and rested. It's been more difficult than I care to admit, but a mixture of meditating and flying has helped me finally get some sleep. That being said, I didn't sleep at all last night, but I think that's a normal eleven year old thing.

"Are you ready, sweetie?" Mum shouts up to my room. Today is finally the day.

"Coming!" I shout back. I don't know how ready I am, but I'm excited to finally get on that train.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos! For this chapter, I'll post another when I get my first comment on the story! I want to know what you guys think!

"So are you going to try to find Harry on the train?" Mum suddenly asks as we walk to the platform.

"What?" I choke out around my ice cream.

"Harry Potter. He seemed like a sweet boy when we ran in to him. A bit lonely though."

"Why would she go looking for him? They barely know each other," Dad argues for me. His overprotectiveness is refreshing in this instance and I completely agree. Of all the students in the entire world, my mom wants me to be interested in the one boy whose life I could destroy just by being in his presence. My parents begin bickering over my head about my interest or lack thereof in boys and I quietly slip ahead of them. I'm sick of waiting to go through platform 9 and ¾. I look back at my parents, who are barely paying attention to me as I stand in front of the plain brick wall.

"I'm going on ahead," I say, not trying to be heard, but mum picks up on it anyway.

"Wait for us!"

"What was that?" I call back lamely as I run head first through the magical barrier. The odd tingle of magic runs through my body and the Hogwarts Express is waiting for me on the other side. It's just as beautiful as I had hoped it would be. "Wow." The word slips out of my mouth and I don't even care. I probably look like such a muggle born, staring at the train like its a mythological creature.

My parents appear behind me, but I ignore their complaints about running ahead. At least they quit talking about boys. They've kindly been toting around my trunk for me so I really should be nicer but whatever.

"Tally seems skittish," I go over to my trunk where my new barn owl is bouncing around in her cage. We took to each other quickly, though now I worry that the new environment at school might be too much for her. "Do you think she'll be okay?" I ask mum.

"Of course, sweetie. Barn owls are tough. She'll be just fine. The other owls will look out for her too, I'm sure." I realize I'm over-worrying and take a deep breath.

"You're right." I look around the platform and feel my excitement rise again as my parents urge me closer to the train.

"This is it!" Dad sounds just as excited as I do. We both take in the beautifully chaotic scene together before he turns to me. "I'm gonna miss you." He pulls me into a tight hug. "Write often because if you don't I'm going to write you every day."

"Yes, Daddy," I hug him back as hard as I can. "I'll miss you too." And I'm proud to say I mean it.

Mom and I have similarly heartfelt goodbyes and when I am left alone on the train I feel surprisingly choked up. In the beginning I wasn't sure if I would be able to come to love my new parents, but I'm glad to say that I have.

…..

I've decided to try to sit alone on the train so I can focus on meditating and relaxing before the sorting ceremony. Besides that, I'm actually pretty sleepy. I guess my crazy nerves are starting to wind down.

I take the first empty car I find and stow my trunk. Despite how sleepy I feel I don't want to pass out yet, just in case I managed to take some upper classman's favourite spot or something. Instead, I pull out a book and wait for the trip to begin.

Before the train leaves the station, the door to my car opens suddenly. I jump at the sound and am very surprised to find myself looking at the Weasley twins. The two are mid conversation and haven't noticed me yet.

"I'm just saying we really need to up our game this year," the one on the right is saying to his double.

"Uh, Fred," George stops after taking one step into the car. He's finally noticed me sitting here.

"Maybe something with Lee's tarantula- Oh," Fred stops mid-sentence and looks me up and down. "There's a little firstie in here!"

I have no idea how to feel about that statement.

"Oh, umm, is this your spot?" I don't remember the twins being particular about where they sat on the train and I don't think they bullied younger years, but I wouldn't mind getting out of their way if they wanted me to.

"Trying to get away from us, already?" George gives me a cheshire grin and sits across from me as Fred slides in beside me.

"We haven't even introduced ourselves yet!" Fred adds.

"Well you're Fred," I playfully poke Fred in the side, who had thrown an arm over my shoulders. "And this is…?" I pretend not to know the other twin's name.

"George," he supplies.

"You know how to pay attention," Fred sounds ever so slightly impressed.

"Well your brother did just say your name."

"How do you know we're brothers?" They ask together, wriggling their eyebrows at me like they stumped me. I just laugh at their question.

"And what's your name?" Fred asks, leaning closer. I'm surprised by how much of a flirt he is for a thirteen year old.

"Charlotte."

"Charlotte…?" George waits for my answer.

"You first!"

"Weasley," they answer in unison. I can't help but giggle.

"Charlotte Campbell. Nice to meet you both." I hold a hand out to each of them but cross my arms to switch hands at the last moment.

"What an interesting firstie you are, Charlotte," Fred laughs as he shakes my hand.

"I think we should keep an eye on this one," George agrees.

"Oh, I'm nothing special," I argue. I don't want to change anything in the future and having these two high profile characters as friends might throw things off.

"And she's humble!"

"Why are you two interested in a first year?" I ask, narrowing my eyes in suspicion. They're being a bit _too_ friendly. The two jump back as if I had struck them.

"Why would you say such a thing, little Charlotte? Is it a sin for upperclassman to be interested in their younger counterparts?"

"You need me for something," I postulate, nearly certain that I'm correct.

"Has someone been spreading nasty rumors about us?" George asks.

"Are they rumors if they're true?" I raise an eyebrow at them as they both gasp in fake indignation.

"Well I never-!" Fred begins.

"Of course you have," I cut him off. They both stop pretending and George leans forward in what I can only assume is meant to be a serious manner.

"Well," George says, "if you're asking if we need help..."

"No." I respond automatically.

"No?" the twins respond in unison. "We haven't even told you what we're doing!"

"From what I've heard, I've got a general idea."

"But it'll be fun!" Fred whines.

"Why me?"

"Why not you?" George shoots back.

"I'm clearly not the malleable first year you thought I would be, why haven't you given up on me and tried for the next one?" They both pause at this, looking at one another with an intensity I can only assume is twin telepathy. They nod at one another and Fred turns to me.

"Honestly, you're the only other first year that we've found sitting alone. The first girl we found was...a bit too odd for us. We had given up until we saw you!" George nods sagely across from me. I vaguely wonder if they are talking about Luna.

"You're our only hope!"

"You've gotta be kidding me," I sigh.

"Is that a yes?" Fred asks hopefully.

"I refuse to join you two without knowing exactly what I'm getting myself in to. I want the full plan."

They both agree and we get down to work. My Hogwarts life is already turning out to be completely different from what I had planned!

…..

It turns out, not every prank the twins come up with is overly complex. They need a first year to plant their new edible products on the trolley because the lady who works on the train already knows them on a first name basis.

I immediately see the problem with this plan: I distinctly remember Harry buying the entire trolley's worth of sweets on this train ride. If I were to fill it with the Weasley's pranked foods… I shudder at the pain I would cause.

When the twins pull out their haul of goods, I come up with my plan of action on the fly. Hopefully they're not used to this much praise.

"Wow! What are all of those?" I ask, only mildly feigning my interest. I'm curious to see how many things they've invented already. The twins' eyes glitter with glee. Good, I seem to have hit the mark.

"Well you see," George begins, and they're off. With only slight prodding from me, they tell me about every invention they have on hand. Apparently no one has ever shown this much interest in their life's work because they're both shocked when the announcement comes that we are fifteen minutes from Hogwarts.

"Oh man! We got distracted!" Fred whines. I sigh quietly with relief. My plan worked flawlessly and they don't expect me at all.

"We're already off to a slow start!" George agrees. I can't help but laugh.

"What?" Fred turns to me and pokes me. "This is all your fault, you know!"

"Hey, you couldn't have done it without me anyway, so how can it be my fault?" The two pause in thought at this.

"Maybe…" They acquiesce.

"Anyway," Fred pushes on, "we had better catch up with our classmates. Don't want them to think they've gotten away from us!" They stand up and each stick out a hand. I stand and bow, ignoring their outstretched hands. They both pause at my odd behaviour until we all burst out laughing. "And don't think you've gotten off easy either, little Charlotte!" Fred throws over his shoulder as they head out.

"I wouldn't dream of it." The twins shut the door behind them and I let out a loud sigh. Not only had I managed to save Harry from misfortune, but I also had the twins all to myself for a whole train ride!

Wait...did I just think that? I slap my cheeks and shake my head loose. Did I really just flirt with the Weasley twins? What is wrong with me? I am so much older than them! And that's just the first of a hundred reasons why I should not be interested!

I have to admit though, that was the most fun I've ever had talking to someone around my age. I have a few friends at home, but I've always been so guarded around them that I end up being really quiet. The twins are so much fun and I know enough about them already that I feel like I've been friends with them forever. That's probably why it felt so easy to let loose. Maybe having them as friends would be good for me. It's nice to think that there might be people at school I can relax around.

Speaking of relaxing, I puff out another sigh and start getting changed into my school robes. Maybe I can still catch a quick nap before I have to deal with the sorting ceremony.

….

One nap and a quick change of clothes later, and I feel good as new. After all this waiting and planning I've finally made it to Hogwarts! I grab my trunk and slide into the line of students surging off the train. I forgot that the station is a ways off from the school proper, but it's only a short boat ride away.

As soon as I step off the train I hear a familiar booming voice call over the crowd, "First years over 'ere!"

I turn to see Hagrid's large form looming over us. Most of the first years look like they're about to faint at the sheer girth of the man. I cover a smile with my hand and head over to the half-giant.

It seems Harry has found Hagrid already, so I stay further back in the crowd. As Hagrid starts convincing students to get in to the boats, I get my first glance of Hogwarts. The moment seems to last a lifetime as I soak in the view of the building I've read so much about.

"Isn't she beautiful?" a small voice asks behind me. I assume that the person wasn't speaking to me, and when I turn to look I find that I'm right. It seems like Luna was asking herself that question, with her usual far away look. I decide to respond anyway.

"She is," I agree. Luna blinks and looks over at me.

"Who are you?" she asks belligerently. I stare at the girl in front of me as it dawns on me that this is most certainly not Luna Lovegood. Could I be any more embarrassing?

Fortunately for me, I don't have to face this strange girl anymore as we are quickly ushered on to separate boats. Now that I think about it, isn't Luna a year younger than Harry? I had been looking forward to meeting her, although I wasn't sure how close we would be. I certainly didn't want her to be bullied as much as I heard she was though.

My boat ride ends up being uneventful. I try to crowd out my anxiety by watching the calm water and the gorgeous view of the ever growing castle. I never realized just how large it was but now that I'm up close I see that getting lost inside is a realistic possibility.

Now we are being pushed up the steps to the castle like a herd of confused sheep. We are all nervous and despite Hagrid's best intentions, he hasn't really put anyone but Harry at ease. As we come up to Professor Mcgonagall I swear I hear a tiny shriek -maybe someone didn't notice her until the last second. She introduces herself, talks about the different houses, and then leaves us to wait for a few minutes. Hagrid is gone too, and it dawns on me that this is an important moment for Harry. I look around the crowd and spot the shock of slicked back blonde hair by the doors. I take a few steps forward and just catch the end of Harry telling Draco to shove off. Poor Draco really doesn't know how to make friends. If he wasn't so insufferable I'd consider giving it a try, but I wouldn't want my good influence to rub off on him. Despite all his bad decisions, he lives through the conflict so I'd rather leave him to his own devices.

I watch Harry turn back to Ron and the two integrate themselves back in to the group. Unfortunately I was a little too close to the action because Harry manages to spot me. He looks at me strangely for a moment, clearly trying to place me, but I am saved from having to speak to him by Mcgonagall's reappearance.

"Right this way, all of you. Don't dawdle. Everyone is waiting."

The doors behind the professor open wide and we move as a frightened huddle into the great hall. It's massive! I'm immediately fascinated by the "open" ceiling, and overhear Hermione explaining to someone that it's bewitched.

To avoid bumping into anyone, I bring my attention a little closer to where I'm walking and take to looking at the rest of the school sitting in front of me. I can't believe I'm finally here, in Hogwarts, with all the other witches and wizards. I did it! I bask in the excitement of it all. This new place, this new feeling, these new people, but my happy moment is shattered when the Sorting Hat is placed on its stool. I stare at it as a mixture of horror and self loathing wash over me.

I don't know why I'm trying to fool myself; none of this is really new- not for me. I've had my mental shields up from the moment I got on the train because I don't belong here. What if the Sorting Hat tells Dumbledore the truth? Grandma told me not to worry, but how can I be sure?

I look up at the headmaster and realize that he's been speaking for some time now. I watch his mouth move but nothing makes it to my ears but a rushing sound. I can't do this, I can't do this! I take a big gulp of air but still feel like I'm drowning. I'm an imposter. A fake. If Dumbledore doesn't catch me then Tom certainly will. One way or another I'm going to die slowly and painfully. The world around me seems to get narrower as my vision darkens. My thoughts start to slow down, and my brain sluggishly tries to warn me that I'm going to pass out.

One of the people standing next to me bumps my arm as they are called up and I'm startled into taking a breath. I realize that I've been holding my breath for a while, and as I gasp desperately for air I want to smack myself for being so easily frightened. It's no wonder I'm freaking out when I'm not breathing! I continue to focus on my breaths, getting them to deepen and slow. The deeper my breathing becomes, the better I feel. I try to keep focusing on that when I hear my name called.

"Charlotte Campbell?"

Oh fuck.

I can't tell if my heart is going to stop or beat so fast that it pops out of my chest. _Breathe, Charlotte._ I can hear my grandmother's voice urging me forward. _You're going to be fine as long as you keep breathing._

Walking up the the Sorting Hat is torturous. A thousand faces watch my every move, and I'm sure they can see my trembling. Little do they know what I am so afraid of. As soon as I sit on the stool, the Sorting Hat is perched on my head by Professor Mcgonagall. It's so large that it falls over my eyes and I am plunged into darkness.

_Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw._ I chant in my mind, using the word as a mantra to strengthen my mental shields. I use my breathing and the mantra to block out all my other thoughts, trying to keep the hat from seeing into my mind.

"You seem very sure about the house you want," the hat whispers to me. I'm not phased by it speaking- I expected this. What I _am_ phased by is the fact that I'm not feeling its presence in my mind. Has it bypassed my shields entirely or is it respecting my privacy? It seems like it's waiting for a response from me, but I have no idea what to say. "It seems you've already made up your mind." I'm left wondering what the hat means by that as it shouts to the crowd of students,

"Ravenclaw!"

As suddenly as I felt it was placed on my head, the Sorting Hat is removed and I am ushered down the steps towards my new housemates. Some of the other first years that I vaguely recognize from our boat trip wave me over and I sit next to them. I'm greeted warmly and shake hands with a few upperclassman, but I'm left wondering if I somehow got away with the sorting without being found out. I look at all of the professors, none of which are specifically looking at me, and the Sorting Hat, still shouting out the houses every other minute. Checking my mental defenses, it seems like I'm still going strong. Maybe I can really do this.

Having gone through that ordeal in one piece, I watch as all the main characters get sorted. It feels so surreal to watch this moment in the Great Hall instead of on my television. My stomach grumbles as I watch, completely derailing my train of thought. Now that I've gotten through all the stress, I'm starting to realize how hungry I am! Fortunately, the sorting finishes quickly and Dumbledore doesn't take long laying the ground rules for the year. I have no interest going anywhere near the third floor corridor, although I would love to have met Fluffy as a puppy!

With that adorable thought to make me smile, Dumbledore finishes his speech with a flourish and the food appears. In case any of you "readers" are curious, the food is just as legendary as Harry made it out to be. I casually join in the conversation with my housemates, which is centered around how excited we all are about starting class tomorrow. It feels good to be around other people who are just as excited to learn as I am- my friends back home weren't exactly "bookish". My first goal after class tomorrow is to head to the library. I wonder if I could read the entire collection before I graduate?

With all the students now happily filled with wonderful food, the Ravenclaw prefects in charge of the first years call for us to group up again. Now that we have been sorted there aren't nearly as many of us, so it doesn't take us long to gather. We leave the Great Hall in our distinctive first year huddle, all of us too afraid of getting lost to wander from the group. The prefects continuously remind us to stay together, but there's no reason to worry- Ravenclaws are smarter than that.

On our way to our common room, the prefects explain general facts about the castle and our place in it. Ravenclaw tower is on the west side of the castle, these are the best staircases to take, and, when we finally arrive, how to get inside the common room.

"The riddle is different every time you want to enter, but if there is more than one person entering, you only have to answer one riddle," one prefect explains. I really should remember their names, but as soon as they said them I instantly forgot.

Having explained the riddle, there is an unasked question weighing heavily on us. I can almost feel the hesitation as we all want to ask, but don't want to be the one to ask it. "Relax, you guys. Every first year thinks the same thing. Most riddles have more than one right answer, and you are smarter than you think. As long as you put some thought into your answer, and as long as it isn't completely off base, you can come in. We just don't want the other houses knowing that," he gives us a conspiratorial wink. "It's important for keeping the others out."

The prefect walks up to the door with the eagle knocker, and half the group jumps when the eagle starts speaking. Poor muggleborns.

"What has a head and a tail but no body?" the eagle asks. Everyone around me looks thoughtful for a moment. I think I've heard this riddle before, but I can't put my finger on it at a moment's notice.

"Any takers?" the prefect asks jovially.

"A worm?" A dark haired girl I don't recognize gives her answer. The door doesn't budge.

"Now you know what happens if you give a wrong answer. Don't worry though, you have as many tries as you need. Think it through again." He turns to the door, "Can you repeat that?"

"What has a head and a tail but no body?" the eagle seems a bit put off that we haven't given it an answer. Or maybe I'm imagining things.

"Oh! A coin!" I say a bit too loudly. Everyone is staring at me, but fortunately when the door swings open their attention is diverted. I try to get distracted as well to avoid blushing any harder than I already am.

The prefects wave us inside. Fortunately we took a bit longer getting back than the rest of the upperclassmen, so the common room is relatively empty for us to look around. Everyone must be busy trying to find their new beds and get themselves settled.

I vaguely remember a scene of the Ravenclaw tower in one of the movies but I know it wasn't long lasting. It certainly didn't leave as much of an impression as actually being here does. My eyes are immediately drawn to the wide open ceiling filled with stars. Taking what I had learned from my astrology reading, I know right away that the stars are in their correct positions for the season we are in. Of course the painting is magical- I wouldn't have it any other way.

The small group scatters about the common room, each of us finding new things that catch our interest. I'm enamored by the huge bookshelves filled with well worn books, as are we all are, I'm sure. They've clearly been handled frequently, but by loving hands. I wonder how old they are.

"Our library has a few duplicates from the main student library, but there are a lot of books here that you won't be able to find downstairs. Most of the ones here are rare but were gifted specifically to our house. That being said, I'm sure I don't have to tell you all to treat the books here as if they are your own. You are free to take them outside of the common room, but make sure to remember that this is where you got them from."

I'm sure I'm not the only one that's excited by this news. Now I won't have to go to the library tomorrow to get my hands on more books! Though I'm sure I'll make my way there within the first week.

"Now we'll be separating by gender so we can go to our dorms." Our small group splits once again, pretty evenly between boys and girls, and we head up even higher in the tower to our dorms. I feel pretty bad for any Ravenclaws that are afraid of heights. We are told that first years are highest up the tower, with seventh years at the first landing. Seems fair, except for the fact that I'm not sure if I'll be here for my seventh year. That thought always makes me disappointed. The dorms themselves look just like Gryffindor's, just with blue and bronze instead of red and gold. I love the four poster beds!

"Your trunks are at the foot of your beds," the prefect says dismissively. "I'm going to sleep. Try not to need anything?" She leaves us to our own devices after that.

We all manage to find our beds, some of us being a bit more awkward than others. As I start pulling out my pajamas, the girl whose bed is next to mine comes over to me and sticks out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Lisa. Lisa Turpin. Nice to meet you." I shake her hand. She seems rather prim and proper.

"Charlotte Campbell."

"I'm Mandy!" Another girl chirps behind me. She waves a hand at the two of us and continues going through her trunk. When she whips out a gameboy I can barely believe my eyes. "Anyone wanna play with me?"

"Oh no…" I whisper sadly. I can't believe I have to break this news to her. Her beautiful gameboy!

"What is that thing?" Lisa exclaims loudly, her question overshadowing my lamenting.

"It's a gameboy! You know, to play games on?" Mandy hands it over to Lisa. "Be careful with it- it was expensive." Lisa examines the game device. I can't say for certain whether I owned one of these in my past life, but I've had to patiently hold back my love of video games as I wait for technology to catch up with my tastes.

"Where did you get it?" I ask in awe. Were these already out in the UK and I hadn't noticed?

"It's been out for a year now! I just got it at a game store." Lisa continued to look at the device like it was from an alien planet.

"How does it work?"

"You really don't know what it is?" Mandy seems incredulous. "Do you not like video games?"

"I don't know what a video game is." Mandy looks ready to cry on Lisa's behalf.

"Did your parents abuse you?" she whispers seriously. I burst out laughing at this, and Lisa looks around in confusion.

"Why would you say such a horrible thing? My parents love me very much! Just because we are a pureblood family doesn't mean my parents don't know how to raise their children. So rude!" Lisa huffs and storms back over to her bed. Mandy seems just as confused as Lisa had been.

"Mandy," I finally interject when I finish laughing. "Lisa doesn't know what a video game is because wizards don't use technology the way muggles do."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't work around magic." Mandy's eyes go wide at the implication.

"You don't mean…"

"I'm sorry, Mandy." We both mourn what could have been many an amazing game night.

"I'm going to bed," she mumbles as she tucks the gameboy deep within her trunk. I'm left wondering whether any of us will be friends. I don't think Lisa will hate Mandy forever for her comment about her family though.

"Good night," Lisa says from her side. I knew it.

"Good night everyone."

Things have already been far more interesting than I could have imagined. I'm so excited for tomorrow!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being ridiculously busy, I'm holding the next chapter hostage until I get two comments on it. If you want to read more, tell me why you like it! :)

Our morning is a flurry of firsts as we get used to each other's routines and quirks. I, not having any siblings, especially have to get used to dealing with other people in my way while I try to get ready. We only snap at each other a few times so it seems like a success to me.

I end up taking longer than I had anticipated, due to this new routine, so I am left alone to make my way down to breakfast. I can't honestly say I remember exactly how to get to the Great Hall, but I figure that as long as I'm going down I'll get there eventually.

Or not.

After going down what seems like a thousand stairs, I'm starting to think that I'm never going to get to the bottom when I come across some familiar faces. Why do I keep running into him? This school is _not_ that small!

"Oh," Harry notices me just after I see him and he slows his rushed descent to a halt. Ron nearly runs into him.

"Oi, what gives, Harry?" Ron complains. "I'm starving!"

"Headed down to breakfast?" I ask cordially. No reason to treat him like dirt. I'm a little annoyed that he hasn't forgotten my existence though. There's no reason I should be that memorable. I'm no Cho Cheng, after all.

"Yeah…" Harry mutters, barely looking at me. Oh he had _better_ not have a crush on me!

I take a deep inward breath. Who the heck do I think I am? Not every guy I meet has a crush on me. Ron has barely even looked at me- he doesn't have a mind for anything but food. How egotistical can I be? Didn't Harry only have an interest in girls in fourth year? He's eleven for cripes sake!

"Do you guys know how to get down to breakfast?" I decide to act like Harry doesn't have a crush _because he doesn't,_ and use what the universe has given me to get some food.

"Just follow the smell of food!" Ron butts in, pushing past the two of us to continue on his way. He hasn't even asked anything about me. He really must be starving! I'm sure Harry will fill him in when they've eaten, and I don't feel like dealing with an angry Ron.

Harry and I are left walking together and, while I'm nervous about changing anything, I'm very curious about Harry's odd behaviour. Is he trying to ignore me?

"You seem down today," I start uncertainly.

"Oh, I uh…"

"Not really one for words, huh?" I can't help but joke. Harry seems like he is about to say something, but just opens and shuts his mouth a few times. Another few steps of awkward silence between us. _He does not have a crush on you_ , I continue repeating to myself. But now I have no idea what to say! I look back over at Harry, who is steadily staring at his feet, and I know I've totally blown this conversation.

When we get to the Great Hall we go our separate ways and I just manage a "See you later" over my shoulder, but I'm not even sure if he heard me. How did I end up being the awkward one?

I find my bunkmates sitting across from each other along with some other first years so I try to shake off my funk before I join them.

"What took you?" Mandy asks between ravenous bites of her eggs.

"I may have gotten a little lost," I admit sheepishly.

"Of course you did. That's because you took so long getting ready this morning," Lisa admonishes.

"Aww give her a break! It's her first day." I shoot Mandy a thankful glance.

Just as I finish scooping my breakfast on to my plate, the owls start appearing. Smiling at the beautiful scene, I take a bite of bacon and hold it up for Tally as she lands on my shoulder. I started training her as soon as I got her- having seen too many ruined meals from all the crash landings throughout the book series. It only took me two weeks to teach her to always land on my shoulder whenever she had something or wanted something from me.

She happily munches on the bacon I offer as she holds up her leg, and I take the letters from her easily. I'm not at all surprised that my parents and grandma have written me. I'm about to open my grandma's letter when I'm distracted by Mandy.

"Oh, she's pretty! What's her name?" She reaches out slowly to pet her. I lean over so she can get a better reach.

"This is Tally. She's friendly." Mandy pets her happily.

"That's a weird name. Where'd you get it from?"

"Oh it's from a book I read once," I answer vaguely. I can't actually remember the book in question, since it's from my past life, but I must have loved it since the name stuck.

"Nice!" Tally hangs around for a bit longer, clearly enjoying being pet before she flies off with the rest of the owls. I'm glad she's doing well. That's a small weight off my shoulders.

I go back to my grandma's letter, excited to see what she has to say, and even more excited at the prospect of telling her everything that's happened, but I'm again interrupted.

"Our schedules are here!" Lisa nearly loses grasp of her dignified manner with her small shriek of excitement. I quickly put my letters aside as I grab the schedule that has appeared beside my plate. There is a moment of quiet throughout the Ravenclaw table as we all read our fate for the semester.

"Ugh herbology first thing Monday morning?" I whine. That's going to be god awful in the winter.

"At least we get it over with first thing?" Mandy tries. I sigh and stuff another piece of bacon in my mouth before getting up. It's not that I hate herbology, but I don't have a huge interest in it; I like useful plants and all, but I'm not going to put in the time and energy to take care of them. That's what a plant store is for- people like me who would rather pay someone else to take care of plants.

Since it's still early September, the walk over to the greenhouses is pleasant. I notice that we have the class with Slytherin house, and it feels strange to realize that I have no qualm with them. Having read/seen the story from Harry's perspective of the Slytherin house being "evil" , I'm left now with an idle curiosity to see if they're all really that bad. Maybe I'll have a few Slytherin friends of my own. Though Draco is definitely out of the question.

The class settles in smoothly, and I take note of everyone and their places. Draco already has his little crew and I'm surprised to see Pansy Parkinson is talking to him. She works quickly. It's immediately obvious to me who she is- she really does have a pug face. They're possy settled on the opposite end of the room, so I don't have to worry about dealing with them for a little while.

The rest of the Slytherins are generally sitting together. It feels less like house rivalry thing and more like, sit next to the person you sort of know the name of. It is our very first class at Hogwarts, after all.

Professor Sprout introduces herself and lectures for a bit, and I'm impressed at how quickly some of the Slytherins lose interest in the material. Having already studied it myself, I pretend to pay attention as I people watch. Pansy is not-so-subtly trying to pass notes to Draco, who in turn keeps passing them to Crab (or is it Goyle?) much to her dismay. When I figure out what's going on, I'm left trying to cover up my laughter with fake coughs. Maybe we won't be friends, but I think Draco is going to be a great source of amusement for me.

"Are you alright, Miss Campbell?" Professor Sprout stops lecturing to check on me as I choke on my laughter.

"Yes ma'am!" I manage to sputter out. I must be beet red at this point as the entire class is looking at me. I make sure not to look towards Draco anymore, and stare pointedly at my book to calm myself down. Whoops!

The rest of the class time goes by uneventfully, though I'm almost caught laughing at Draco again as he whines loudly about having to get his hands dirty. I really need to stop focusing on him so much or he is totally going to start bullying me.

"What were you laughing about earlier?" Mandy asks me after class.

"Oh, it was an inside joke with my grandma," I lie easily. "Oh, speaking of which, I never got around to reading her letter!"

"Well you don't have time, we have History of Magic now." Lisa reminds me.

"That's okay. I'll read it during class." Lisa looks appalled.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention in class?"

"I can multitask."

"Until you fail your first exam! Don't come crying to me asking for my notes later! You need to put in your own work for your grades."

"Fine. Fine. I won't ask for your notes, I promise."

"And don't distract me in class either! You were totally unfocused in Herbology and it was annoying to deal with."

"Sorry, Lisa. I'll be more mindful next time," I think I just manage to sound sincere, even though I don't care at all. She's become a real handful already now that classes have started. She makes a good point though. If I'm not paying attention I need to make sure that no one else is noticing me goofing off. I don't want anyone to think I'm a troublemaker or to wonder how my grades are so good.

Walking into class, I realize we have this one with the Gryffindors. I can't believe my good luck! With how boring this class is, everyone will be either asleep or half asleep, which means little to no interaction with them!

As the class starts, I find that History of Magic is as terrifically dull as everyone said it would be. Even the muggle borns are half asleep. The textbook had been so fascinating too! I don't understand what sort of magic Professor Binns uses to make himself so boring. As Ravenclaw house we try our absolute hardest to stay alert and attentive, but even we are struggling to survive. It only takes a moment of Binns dragging on before I open Grandma's letter to pass the time. I'll probably even reply to her now to make it look like I'm taking notes. I so wish I had a laptop right now!

My dearest Charlotte,

Well? Tell me all about it!

-Grandma

That was...underwhelming. I flip the letter over in confusion. I thought Grandma would be gushing with excitement to tell me how much my parents are flipping out over me being gone, or giving me "I told you so's" about the sorting hat. Instead all I get is one line? That's not like her at all. Well, there's no point in uselessly wondering about it. I'll just have to ask her.

Hey Grandma!

What gives? That was a pretty short letter!

After giving her some more crap for the length of her letter, I go on for another foot of parchment telling her about how everything has been so far. For security's sake, we decided not to go in to any detail about my memories through letters, so I'm deliberately vague when I mention the Sorting Hat. That ends up taking me about half the class, which leaves me the other half to read and respond to my parents. Their letter is almost two feet of parchment! Of course, they're missing me terribly and wondering how things are going. Mom asks about Harry again, and I'm seriously considering dropping another random guy's name just so she'll forget about him. I finish my letter back to them just as class ends, and I'm left mourning the fact that I won't be able to do that every history class.

"You were much more focused for that class," Lisa says as we head out. "How did you manage it?"

"I took what you said to heart," I lie. I can see Mandy snickering out of the corner of my eye. Do I not lie as well as I think or was that just too weak to be true?

"Well thank you! It's good to be appreciated!" Lisa puffs up her chest and walks ahead.

"Be careful, Charlotte. You're going to make it so that she can't fit her head through the doorways," Mandy whispers. I suppress the urge to laugh and gently shove Mandy ahead.

"At least I'm trying to get on her good side!"

"Good luck with that!"

Time for lunch! We manage to get to the Great Hall with no trouble, and I'm embarrassed to say that I'm proud of myself for knowing how to get there.

"Oh is that Charlotte headed our way?" Fred and George are standing just outside the Great Hall. Some of my classmates give me odd looks but keep on walking. I can tell that one or two of them know who the twins are by their wide eyed stares, but the rest probably just wonder how I'm friends with older guys already.

"Who are they?" Mandy leans over to me.

"Just some friends I met on the train," I explain.

"Well I'm not waiting for you, I'm starved!"

I walk up to the twins undaunted, despite the fact that I did not want our friendship to be so publicly broadcasted. I should have expected this from them though.

"Good afternoon, boys."

"Boys?" George asks, aghast.

"You dare to call us boys?" Fred adds.

"I don't think you're ready to be men quite yet," I try not to laugh at this silly conversation.

"And why is that?" They both cross their arms as they wait for my answer.

"Because I've yet to see a successful prank!"

"That's unfair!" Fred shouts.

"You haven't seen any pranks at all!" George agrees.

"And you expect me to believe these wild stories about you two with no proof?"

"Wild-"

"-Stories?" They're both intrigued now.

"Oh I couldn't possibly repeat them. Especially when it seems they aren't true." A part of me wonders why I'm egging them on, but the childish part of me spurs me forward.

"Oh you'll see!"

"We'll out-do our own rumor mill!"

"They'll never know what hit them!" They high five each other and then turn back to me. "You're the best, little Charlotte!" I'm suddenly enveloped in a hug that I don't feel I justly deserve before the dynamic duo race upstairs, presumably to get to work on their next big plan. I'm left stunned and alone for a moment before I remember that I was originally coming here for lunch. Hopefully none of the rumors about the twins will involve me…

"You three seem close," Mandy comments as soon as I sit down. I take a deep breath to hide the blush that is trying to creep up my neck. I am way too old for this!

"Were you spying on us?" I retort.

"Just keeping an eye on my bunkmate." She winks.

"Well as you can see I'm fine. We just met on the train is all."

"They seem to like you."

"I've taken an interest in their profession," I say vaguely. "Anyway, do you think Charms is going to be more fun than History of Magic because that was dreadful?"

Mandy clearly wants to ask me more about the twins, but I steer the conversation away, and the other first years sitting with us help me change the topic.

Lunch and the hour break afterwards pass quickly. I end up staying in the Great Hall to get a jump on the homework we _already_ have. I thought Harry just whined a lot about schoolwork, but he really wasn't kidding about the workload. This is ridiculous!

Making my way to Charms doesn't end up being too difficult, and I find myself getting excited for the class. This is the most useful class I'm going to have, and I can't wait to be able to practice all these helpful spells! I also have a ton of questions about how spells actually work, and while I did some research on my own, it will be interesting to see how Professor Flitwick explains it. Fortunately for me, this class is with Hufflepuff, so I can be completely focused on my work.

Professor Flitwick spends most of the class explaining what charms are and their importance, and I'm starting to think we won't get to do any spellwork today when he asks us to take out our wands. We all pause at this, the excitement now palpable in the air. We've never used our wands in class before- it's only our first day. It feels like a momentous occasion as we all reach in to our bags or pockets and procure this new part of ourselves that we have almost (or in some cases) never used before.

"Today we are simply going to practice some of the different wand movements that can be associated with a spell," Professor Flitwick explains. The excitement deflates from the class instantly. I think I even hear a few groans. "Next class we will be starting on spell work, so it's important to get this right!"

From my vague understanding of magical theory, wand movement is not strictly necessary. If it was, wandless magic would be impossible. That being said, wand movement is sort of like training wheels, which is why it is so heavily taught to beginners like ourselves. The movements make the spells come more naturally, and help prevent us from doing the wrong spell or no spell at all. Not the Professor Flitwick would explain this to a first year class.

After a long while of swishing, flicking, and arm waving our first Charms class is finally over. I can't say I enjoyed it. Dinner passes us by uneventfully, and I listen to everyone talk about their impressions of the classes and professors.

As I lay in bed later I still can't really believe it. I've made it through my first day of classes at Hogwarts! If only things would go this smoothly for the next seven years… This bittersweet thought is my last before I fall asleep... until I realize I forgot to send my letters. Damnit!

…

The next morning I wake up a little bit earlier to stop by the owlery. I doubt I've gotten any more letters since yesterday, and I want to make sure I send these as soon as possible so my family doesn't worry.

I would say today is an easy day in terms of classes, but that isn't true for me- today is my first class of Defense Against the Dark Arts. I am (ironically) petrified of Quirrell and what meeting him could mean for me. I've spent years training my occlumency for this day, and I won't know if I'm ready until it happens.

But before that, I have to pretend that everything is fine and normal and go to Herbology. We have Herbology technically three times a week, but only once do we have lecture. The other two days are for checking on our plant projects. It's a pretty cool class system actually, although I find it a bit tiresome to have to trek out to the greenhouses three times a week for a class I don't particularly care for. Neville must find it amazing, I'm sure.

Breakfast is starting to find a normal rhythm, though I have no idea what anyone says the entire time. The only thing I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears and the voice in my head reminding me to breathe.

Sooner than I would like, Mandy is prodding me to get a move on so that we won't be late for class. For the thousandth time I make sure my mental shields are completely up, and without any further ado, I'm exactly where I don't want to be.

"G-good m-morning, everyone. P-please find a seat," Quirrel motions for us to sit. I don't immediately notice anyone trying to break my shields- a small win in my book. I find a seat in the center, not too close, but not easily noticed in the back either. At this point I know I'm overthinking everything to death, but with my enemy standing right in front of me, I don't know what else to do with myself.

I belatedly notice we have this class with Slytherin, but they're of no concern to me right now. I only have one goal: get through this class unscathed. Unfortunately, I have no idea how difficult that will be. I'm just going to have to be prepared for anything. I eagerly watch the clock, wishing for time to fly by.

Five minutes into class, Quirrel starts lecturing. His fake lisp is already grating on my nerves. Does he really believe it puts people off his trail that much? It must be so annoying to keep up.

Ten minutes into class, I vaguely notice a magical presence around my mental barriers. I do everything in my power not to tense up.

Fifteen minutes into class the presence has noticed my mental shields. I'm not naive enough to think it isn't Tom. I decided before class started that it would be unwise to try to fool Tom with false memories. If I wasn't good enough at tricking him, he would realize that he was being pulled by the nose, and then he would have enough of a hold in my mind to get any information he wanted. Instead, I decided to hold him out on the pretense that I am a natural occlumens, and therefore somehow have the mental fortitude to keep him at bay. All without understanding what is happening to me, of course. While this plan won't keep me from being a target in the future, it will keep me safe this year, and honestly, that's good enough for me at this point.

Twenty minutes into class Tom's legilimency feels like a vice around my skull as he tries to break in from all sides. How the hell am I supposed to survive this entire class?

Twenty five minutes in he changes tactics and goes for a pointed assault. I feel like someone is lasering into my brain from the outside. Fortunately I can use the pain as a focal point so that I don't let my mind stray.

After thirty minutes of class I forgo pretending to pay attention and just put my head down. I run my fingers through my hair and remind myself to breathe as the onslaught continues.

At thirty five minutes my mind starts to wander and I feel the pain start to fade away. I vaguely think about grandma, forgetting where I am or what I'm doing. Everything is so nice when I'm not in pain…

"Hey, Charlotte, are you okay?" I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder and I jolt upright.

"Fuck!" I groan a bit too loudly. Quirrell looks at me pointedly, along with most of the rest of the class. "Oh, uh, I…" I pause for a moment, my sluggish brain trying to come up with a plan as the pain comes rushing back stronger than before. "I'll just send myself to Professor Dumbledore's office," I can practically hear the slur in my voice from the pain. Tom is now slamming in to my head so hard my vision is blurring.

I vaguely hear Quirrel say something, but I pick up my things and head for the door anyway. Just before I make it there, I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder and am spun around to face the upset looking professor.

"Where are you going?" I don't actually hear the words come out of his mouth, but I read his lips just fine since he's right in my face. Instead of breaking away like I want to, I find myself stuck when I look him in the eye. I'm vaguely impressed that the pain I was feeling before is nothing compared to what I am experiencing now. Losing myself in the darkness of Quirrell's eyes, the last thing I hear is the sound of my own agonized scream.

…..

The throbbing in my head tells me that I'm still alive, although I don't think I want to be at the moment. I move around and realize that I'm on a bed. The hospital wing?

"Oh Charlotte, you're awake!" I open my eyes to find Madam Pomfrey fretting over me. I really hope I don't make this as much of a habit as Harry. I can't believe I made it here before he did. How embarrassing! "That must have been some headache, sweetie. Here, drink this." I'm handed a vial of something and take it without question. "You slept through most of lunch, so I had the house elves bring you something. Are you hungry?" I nod, pleased to note that the potion is making the headache fade away. "I was just about to owl your parents. Is this something that has happened before?"

"No!" I don't mean to shout. "I mean, there's no need to owl them. This is totally normal." Now is not the time to feel guilty for lying. I'm going to have to build myself a huge web of lies to get through all of this.

"This is normal?" Madam Pomfrey does not look convinced.

"I get chronic migraines. Sometimes they get really intense, especially when I'm stressed out. I don't want to worry my parents any more than they already are with my not being there. It was so hard to convince them to let me go to school. Please don't write them! They might take me home." Hopefully I can guilt-trip her into never writing to them ever. She looks at my pleading face for a few nerve wracking moments before she acquiesces.

"As long as you're sure, sweetie. Stay as long as you need. Don't worry about your next class." The food she mentioned earlier appears in front of me on a table I hadn't noticed before and I immediately start eating.

"Have I missed it?" I chime in. I really don't want to miss my first Transfiguration class, despite everything that just happened. That class seems rather difficult, and impressing Professor McGonagall is a goal of mine. I can freak out about being attacked by dark lords after I get my O. Madam Pomfrey checks the clock behind her.

"It should start in half an hour, but that doesn't mean I advise you go."

"I'll be fine after I eat."

"You fainted in class. I'd like to make sure there's nothing else wrong."

"I'm fine." Madam Pomfrey gives me a look so intense she is practically glaring at me. "That potion really helped!" The look on her face doesn't change. "I promise to come back if the headache comes back?" I try to find something to say that will make us both happy.

"Fine." Apparently that is good enough. She leaves me to my lunch and I sigh. Today turned out almost as badly as I feared, except I didn't die. I can't believe he came after me so intensely right away. Then again, it makes perfect sense. A normal student wouldn't notice that Tom was prying into their minds, and he could learn all sorts of things from all of the students combined. Finding someone that he couldn't read would definitely make him curious.

Madam Pomfrey mentioned that I fainted and clearly someone told her that I had a headache. I wonder how they explained away me screaming when I passed out…

"Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yes, dear?"

"D-did I shout...when I passed out?" That was such an awkward question I didn't know how to ask it.

"No one mentioned it to me. Maybe you had a bad dream?" Great, I made her more concerned and now I'm not sure if I'm crazy. Maybe I just thought I was screaming? Or screaming in my head? Ugh, I don't have time to wonder about stupid stuff like this. I need to figure out how I'm going to manage this for the rest of the semester. Maybe I can fake an allergy to Quirrel? The idea makes me smile, and I use that tiny amount of happiness to push myself out of bed and get ready for my next class.

"Thanks for everything, Madam Pomfrey!" I call as I pick up my backpack. I wonder who brought me here?

"You're welcome, Charlotte. Here, take this," she hands me a vial of blue liquid. "Take it as soon as a headache starts- it should make it go away. Come as often as you need for more." I smile broadly. This could be just what I need to help keep Tom away. Or maybe it doesn't work for occlumency induced headaches? Well, I won't know until I try.

"Thanks!" I've got just enough time to make it to Transfiguration.

I make it with moments to spare and sit down next to Mandy, who immediately leans over to me.

"What the heck happened?"

"I get chronic migraines."

"Well that sucks. Lisa and I were gonna visit you after classes ended today. We didn't think you would be back so soon after you fainted."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

Lisa eyed me curiously but didn't add to our conversation as Professor McGonagall started lecturing.

I've always had a huge amount of respect for Professor McGonagall, which is probably why I want to do so well in her class. I can see that her commanding presence is making some of the others nervous, but I'm so used to her that she could only make me nervous if she was angry. In my excitement to get here, I didn't even notice this class was with the Gryffindors. Surreptitiously looking around, I spot Harry two rows over from me. Professor McGonagall seems to be making him a bit anxious as well.

"Now Miss Campbell, since you seem so fascinated in everything but the lecture at hand, why don't you tell us what Transfiguration is?" The rest of the class turns to stare at me, no one daring to laugh at the precarious position I have now been placed in. My face must be so red right now.

"Transfiguration is the family of spells that are used for changing objects from one thing to another. This differs from Charms in that we are changing the essential nature of the object we are working with, where Charms does not," I recite easily.

"Very good, Miss Campbell. If you had been paying attention to begin with I would be so inclined to give you house points for such a good answer, but just because you have a grasp of the material at hand does not mean you should be idle in your class time. Now is the time to practice and focus." To reiterate, she turns to her desk and turns it into a pig and back again. "Without focus, you will not get to a level where you can do things like this. Understood?" We all nod weakly. I have really got to get better at not paying attention without getting noticed.

The rest of the class passes smoothly. Again, we aren't going to be doing any spellwork until our next class, much to our great disappointment. As the lecture comes to an end and we all gather our things to leave, Professor McGonagall calls for me to stay behind. I'm a little offended that I'm in the same class as Harry and yet I'm the one getting called on. This is so unfair! Lisa and Mandy give me curious looks, but head on without me. I'm left waiting in front of the professor's desk impatiently wondering what is going on until everyone else clears out.

"Miss Campbell, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office. I will take you there so you don't get lost," she explains.

"Oh," is the only stupid response I can manage as I start following her down the hall. So much for being a good student in front of my most respected teacher. I spend our walk freaking out about how I have to deal with yet _another_ mental onslaught today. This is getting completely out of hand far faster than I had anticipated. My last run in with a legilimens left me in the hospital wing, and what if Dumbledore suspects what happened? Has he known from the beginning that Quirrel is the traitor? Does he know he let Tom in to the castle? If he did, why would he give Tom free reign of the school? Does Snape know?

I'm snapped out of this whirlwind of thoughts when we get to the gargoyle. I hear the professor mumble, "Pumpkin Pasties" and I file the information away for later use. I have no idea how often Dumbledore changes his passwords, but it doesn't hurt to try it if I need it.

As we wait for the spiral staircase to take us up to the office, Professor McGonagall starts explaining something about the headmaster's office, but I'm too busy reexamining my mental shields to really pay attention. This really has been a horrific day. How am I going to make it through this?

"Are you ready?" I'm sure she doesn't think this is that big of a deal, but I appreciate her question nonetheless. Taking one more deep breath, I nod and follow Professor McGonagall into Dumbledore's office.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I push my luck and ask for three comments this time? I'm loving them so much! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying the story, and I hope Charlotte lives up to the hype! lol

"Miss Campbell is here to see you, sir," Professor McGonagall greets curtly, ushering me into the office. It's as beautiful as I remember, with many wonderful moving contraptions surrounding me. Fawkes is a hatchling now, barely holding on to his perch with his tiny claws. I watch him for a moment and take another deep breath.

"Thank you, Minerva." The two professors nod to each other and I'm suddenly left alone with the headmaster. Before he can make eye contact with me, I put a hand to my head and pretend to wince. With no time to come up with a better one, my plan is to try to throw him off. It probably won't work, but at least I'm trying.

"Are you alright, my dear?" Dumbledore stands up from his chair, but I wave him off.

"Oh, I'm alright, sir. Sorry for worrying you. I have chronic migraines. They get worse when I'm nervous." Am I babbling? I feel like I'm babbling. At least I sound nervous.

"Is that what happened in Professor Quirrell's class today?" he asks, gesturing for me to sit down. I oblige him.

"Yes, sir. I didn't mean to curse. I'm really sorry about that. My head just hurt a lot and I lost track of where I was."

"Is this normal?"

"Yes, sir. It was getting better at home. I was homeschooled so I wouldn't be stressed too often." I press a hand to my head. "Please don't tell my parents. They think I can't handle going to school, and I don't want to leave." I certainly don't have to fake the anxiety in my voice.

"Am I causing you great stress, Charlotte?" I almost want to laugh at the irony of his question. Hopefully he will never know the amount of stress he causes me.

"I've never been called to the headmaster's office before. I don't want to cause any trouble at school." If that's not the truth I don't know what is.

The famous twinkle in the headmaster's eye has disappeared as he seems to stare directly into my soul. I wait for him to use legilimency on me, my mental barriers as strong as I can make them right now...but he doesn't. What is he waiting for? Doesn't he want to know the truth?

"I appreciate your noble intentions, Miss Campbell, but unfortunately you will still be serving detention with Professor Quirrell. He was very upset by your outburst and it wouldn't do to condone that sort of behaviour in front of your classmates, despite the circumstances."

I stare at the headmaster, trying not to let the horror of this information show on my face. Alone, with Tom, for hours? I can't let this happen. I felt what he was capable of today in a room filled with other students. Alone? I would never make it. But what do I say to get out of this?

"You're right. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." I get up from my seat and turn away, waiting for Dumbledore to change his mind. Certainly he wouldn't leave me alone with that monster? But then, I realize, I'm talking to a different type of monster right now. He _would_ set up a trap like this. If I know who Tom is, I won't let myself be alone with him, and if I don't know who Tom is, the headmaster can cancel the detention at the last minute in order to protect me. Or he can assume that Tom isn't actually a threat to some random girl. That would be the most logical thing for him to think.

I take another step towards the door, but end up turning back around. "Can't I do detention with you, Professor?" _Well played, I admit defeat,_ the underlying conversation began.

Dumbledore raises an eyebrow at me. "Why not with Professor Quirrell?" _Tell me what's going on,_ he answers in kind.

"He kind of scares me. I don't like him very much." _You know why._

"You've only had class with him one day. Why not give him a chance?" _That's not good enough. Tell me the truth._

"Please?" _Don't make me do this._

"I only want to help you, Charlotte."

I steel my resolve. It seems that Dumbledore isn't going to let me get away without telling him something. I didn't want to have to do this so soon, but I already put myself in this corner.

"Oh, like you helped your sister?" The sentence comes angry and fast, like it slipped out. Except, it didn't.

The headmaster gives me a look of perfect confusion. He's quite the actor. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh I'm sure you do, Professor. I'm a seer, but I don't see into the future- I only see the past. Your past, to be exact." I watch closely for a reaction to my lies, except there really isn't much of one.

"Oh? Could you tell me where I put my lunch? I can't seem to find it anywhere." I close my eyes and sigh. I should have expected this kind of reaction from the old man. He never lets his hand be seen by anyone, even when it would be more prudent to show it.

A long pause stretches between us as we each wait for the other to speak. After a while, Dumbledore seems to finally get the hint that I'm not going to play along with his old man routine and he drops the act- I'm suddenly faced with the general who has taken on armies. "When were you planning on telling me this?"

"I wasn't." I cross my arms. I'm the one with all the information here! How did I get put on the defensive so easily?

"Then why tell me now?" The twinkle in his eye is back, and I know I've been played.

"You know, don't you?"

"Know about what?" Dumbledore continues to play coy with me and it's infuriating.

"Forget it! I'll just go to the stupid detention! What do I care who knows your stupid secrets? Clearly you don't!"

I'm about to stomp away when he begins, "Now Charlotte-"

"What? What is it now?" At this point I'm seething. With all this greater good bullshit he espouses, you would think he would know when to leave well enough alone, for the "greater good".

"You're clearly upset, but I'm not sure I understand why."

"Because I'm trying to keep _your_ secrets away from _your_ enemy and you're the one trying to leave me alone with him!" Dumbledore's expression hardens for just a moment at this, but he says nothing. "Forget it! If you want Tom to know about your stupid plan for the end of the year then fine!" I don't slow down as I throw open the office door and storm out, even though the headmaster is calling after me. He is _so_ aggravating!

At this point I'm angry and scared and not ready to go back to pretending like I'm a normal student. Before I realize what I'm doing I'm running down the halls at full speed. It's dinner time now, so things are rather slow going throughout the castle, but I don't want to run the risk of running into anyone right now. I take a moment to cast the disillusionment charm on myself, happy that I know it, and I climb higher and higher to escape the trapped feeling that seems to be chasing me. Finally reaching the seventh floor, I remember the perfect place to go to get away- the Room of Requirement. No one I know uses it until fifth year, so it should be a safe haven for me now. It takes a little bit of wandering for me to remember where it is, but I'm rewarded when I imagine a nice, calm bedroom for myself to stay in and a door appears between two familiar looking paintings that I've now walked between far more than three times. I take one more look around to make sure no one is watching and slip inside.

I find myself in a small, but cozy, room. There's a four poster bed on the left wall with a fireplace already lit across from it. In front of the fireplace is a rug and comfy looking couch. Next to myself and the door is a large bookcase filled with promising reads, and the far wall reveals a perfect view of the surrounding mountain range. I release a long breath I didn't know I was holding, throw myself on the bed, and burst into tears.

…

I wake up and look around blearily, wondering where in the hell I am. This place doesn't look familiar at all...oh shit. I throw myself out of the wonderful bed and look out the window in a panic, but fortunately the sun is only just starting to rise. I'll have to come up with an excuse as to why I didn't come back last night, but at least I haven't missed any classes. I make my way back to my dorm begrudgingly, not wanting to leave the haven I created for myself behind, but real life is going to continue whether I want it to or not.

Slipping into our dorm bathroom, I hop in the shower and start getting ready for the day. I'm headed downstairs for an early breakfast when Mandy spots me.

"Where were you last night?" I can't tell if she's angry, confused, or just curious.

"My headache ended up coming back way worse, so Professor McGonagall walked me to the hospital wing and I stayed there for the night," I lie smoothly.

"Oh." Does she sound disappointed? "Ok then."

"I'll see you later?"

"Yeah." I continue heading to breakfast, feeling a bit confused by that encounter.

Today is double Potions. I'm not looking forward to the professor or the class itself, but I've got to suffer through it. I'll have to keep my occlumency shields up, as usual, but I have no reason to suspect that Snape will try to knock them down. I'm just not a fan of him or Potions. I end up heading to class early anyway, partially to just get it over with and partially to work on the homework I've been neglecting since yesterday went completely awry.

"Class begins now." I'm snapped out of my huge pile of assignments by the start of the lecture. I completely lost track of time! Snape goes into the exact same spiel he gave the Gryffindor class, and I immediately zone out. I knew we would be having this class with the Hufflepuffs, which I'm happy about. I notice belatedly that my bunkmates aren't sitting with me, and when I make eye contact with Mandy across the room she just shrugs at me.

"Today we will be brewing a potion that even first timers like yourselves shouldn't have trouble with. Now get yourselves a partner and get to work. If I hear any side conversations I will dock house points."

There's a sudden mad scramble as everyone tries to find a partner. Mandy and Lisa pair up together instantly because they're sitting together, so I end up with the Hufflepuff girl next to me. She seems friendly enough.

"I'm Sally," she says, extending her hand to me. I shake it nervously.

"Charlotte."

"Nice to meet you!" Sally and I get down to business with our potion, and as we work on it we start to realize a harrowing truth: I'm terrible at Potions. I didn't know myself to be so clumsy or awkward, and I wonder if Snape breathing down my neck is just bringing out the worst sides of me. Within minutes I've cut my fingers twice, have cut the ingredients incorrectly, and I can't seem to grab the right things off the shelves. Without Sally helping to correct my mistakes, I think I would blow something up.

"Miss Campbell, have you never spent any time in a kitchen?" Snape sounds more exasperated than usual.

"No?" I answer, my cheeks a terrible shade of red, I'm sure.

"Maybe you should start."

I didn't realize it when I was reading through the textbook. It all seemed so simple then, but now I know...I have no idea how to use a knife properly! Shouldn't there be step by step instructions for that at the start of the course? Why would they assume that I have an advanced degree in standard cooking procedures?

"Ouch!" Due to my inattention, I've managed to cut myself yet again. Sally swipes the knife from my hand quickly.

"How about you just stir?" She is trying so hard to save us from a failing grade, and I feel so so guilty. I nod meekly and take her place at the cauldron. "Counterclockwise!" I sigh and stir in the opposite direction from where I had started. This is going to be a long, long, year.

…..

"This potion is acceptable," Snape says, causing our faces to fall. Sally and I had waited patiently for our potion to be inspected, but an A isn't what Sally deserved. For all the work she put in, she should have received an O.

"But sir-" I start.

"Potions are graded based on the outcome, not on the pair that produced it, fortunately for you." He turned to Sally. "You should probably find someone else to partner with if you want a better grade next time." Without another word, he turned with a flourish of his cloak and stalked over to the next nervous pair.

"I'm sorry, Sally. Thanks for your help today."

"No worries!" An A is better than a D, right?" Sally has been surprisingly kind throughout my stupid mistakes.

"So I'll see you next week?" I ask sheepishly.

"Yeah sure!" I try to leave class with Sally, but she decides to wait for her friends and tells me not to wait up. I look around to see that Lisa and Mandy have already had their potion graded so they went on ahead. I guess I'll go meet up with them for lunch.

…..

"What the heck happened to you in class today?" Mandy asks as I sit beside her at lunch. I blush furiously at the question. I tried not to make a scene in class today, but with the amount of blood spilled it was hard not to get noticed.

"Guess I'm not that good at Potions?" I mutter, laughing awkwardly as I feel my appetite slipping away.

"Clearly not," Lisa agrees. "Maybe you need some tutoring?"

"Are you offering?" I ask hopefully.

"I've only been in Potions class for one day! Why would I be able to help you?"

"I suppose you're right, but I can't ask Professor Snape. He hates me already."

"Maybe he would hate you less if you sought to better yourself?"

"Maybe," I acquiesce. That would be awkward as hell for me though, and I would rather not have to go through that.

I end up picking at my lunch while everyone talks about how Potions went, feeling pretty bummed out over all. It really hasn't been a good week for me. I'm looking forward to the end of it so I can hide away somewhere and recharge. I wish I could go flying, but first years aren't allowed; I can feel myself going stir-crazy already.

Fortunately for me, we have astrology tonight so I can at least enjoy the night air and hopefully relax a bit. Astrology and star gazing in general are calming pass times for me. I doubt I'll even really consider it a class except for the homework.

In the meantime, I'm going to find a nice tree to sit under while the weather is still somewhat decent and finish the rest of this homework. After lunch the other first years head their separate ways, presumably to do the same thing I am, and my afternoon passes blissfully.

Astrology is with Slytherin house, but laughing at Draco's ridiculous antics only makes my time in class more enjoyable. By the time I head to bed my sour mood has improved significantly.

….

 _Day four begins,_ I think as I roll out of bed. In three days I've been trounced by the dark lord, yelled at the headmaster, and nearly cut off my fingers in potions. But I've also made it to all my classes, made some friends, and haven't been caught in my lies. Gotta stay positive!

I'm continually impressed by breakfast at Hogwarts- I had no idea there were so many different breakfast foods and even more ways to prepare them! I really need to go see the house elves sometime and tell them how awesome they are.

Tally stops by to bring me my letters, but I'm surprised to see a third one addressed to me. I pet her absently as I stare at the familiar tilt of my name on the plain manilla envelope. Who could it be from? I take a moment to look around, making sure that my classmates aren't trying to read over my shoulder before I rip open the letter. I don't have History until tomorrow, so I'm not going to wait until then to answer my letters- I'll just do it now.

Dear Miss Campbell,

Your detention with Professor Quirrell has been cancelled; instead you shall be serving detention with me tonight. I will see you at 7pm.

Until then,

Albus Dumbledore

Ah shit. At least he took me seriously? I look up at the headmaster, having no idea how to feel about this situation. I guess I'll know more at seven. In the meantime, I am more worried about dealing with Tom's class again. Twice a week is too often to see a mass murderer.

I know I have to go to DADA. I know I have to go. But I've still got some time until class starts, so there's no point in panicking just yet. I'll just distract myself with my other letters.

My Dearest Charlotte,

I am sorry my letter was so short the other day. I've been terribly busy trying to keep your parents from losing their minds. They have been at a loss what to do all day without you, so I've been over almost daily to distract them. Taking care of my daughter is what I do best, after all!

May I add an "I told you so" in reference to the sorting? I know worrying is your strong suit, but I really wish you didn't worry quite so much. I'm sure your first class of Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't that bad either. I know you were nervous about it. How have your other classes been going? Have you made any new friends? How have your bunkmates been? I can't wait to hear all about it!

Much love,

Grandma

Grandma was going to have to take back that, "I told you so" when she gets my letter. I mean, the sorting did turn out okay, but not much has turned out fine since then. I decide I don't really have enough time to write Grandma back (I'll do it tonight) so I'll just read and then head off to class.

Mum and Dad's letter is more of the same, not saying that I don't enjoy reading it- it's nice to know there are people cheering in my corner. Having some loving words to read every few days is definitely good for my psyche.

With that flush of happiness through my system, I force myself to head to class. I can feel myself shaking, but I know I can't skip it. I can't let Tom think something is amiss, despite the fact that he clearly knows something. If I didn't show, it would just further affirm that he should keep an eye on me.

Holding my bag with a white knuckle grip, I step into the classroom, shields completely up. Quirrell's gaze doesn't stay on me particularly long, though he's watching us all as we file in with a nervous expression on his face.

I have no idea how quickly or intensely he will attack my mental shields, so all I can do is play it cool and wait. So I do.

I wait.

And wait.

I watch the minutes as the clock ticks by, not giving a rat's ass what Quirrell is stammering on about. Five minutes pass into ten, then twenty. I don't even feel a twinge against my shields. What is going on?

Before I know it, class is over. I blink in surprise. Did I just manage to get through that whole class pain free? I mean, I was terrified, but I got through it!

As the class gets up to leave, Quirrell calls my name and asks for me to stay behind...so much for celebrating. I slow down packing my things, and I hear Draco sniggering before he makes his way past me with his posse.

"Gonna curse at your professors some more, Campbell? Or are you going to pretend to faint again?" The group of Slytherins behind Draco laugh, and I notice even some of the Ravenclaws that heard him smirk at his comment. I shouldn't be surprised that the first time he ever deigns to speak to me is to make fun of me. Quirrell is preoccupied with someone asking a question so I can't avoid this conversation that way.

"Do I know you?" Draco stops in his tracks and glares at me, immediately offended. "It's polite to at least introduce yourself before you start harassing someone."

"How do you not know who this is?" Pansy looks outraged and I try my hardest not to laugh at how much her anger distorts her face to look even _more_ like a pug. Draco puts a hand out, as if holding her back from jumping me, and answers my question.

"Malfoy," he says smugly, like he's already won somehow, "Draco Malfoy."

"Charlotte Campbell." I hold out a hand and he stares at it before shaking it. "Alright, you can go back to making fun of me now. I just wanted to have a proper introduction." I notice that Theodore Nott looks mildly impressed with me for a moment, but it was so quick I might have imagined it.

"Don't you understand who you're talking to? You need to be more polite when speaking to a Malfoy!" Pansy starts, but Draco stops her once again. The classroom has basically emptied out by now, leaving Draco and his cronies alone with me. He seems to notice this at the same time that I do, and he doesn't look pleased. I know he only bothered with me because he thought I was an easy target, but now that I've proven that isn't the case and his audience has left, he has no real reason to stay.

"Charlotte?" Quirrell calls for me hesitantly, giving us all the out we had been hoping for. Draco immediately uses it, leaving me behind as quickly as possible. I can't help but think I've made a good impression on him.

I turn to find myself alone in the room with Tom and Quirrell. I take a deep breath and a few steps forward, making sure that I'm relatively close to the door if I need to bolt.

"I'm sorry about last class," I start the conversation. "I promise it won't happen again. Thank you for not giving me detention." I wait, terrified for the attack I'm sure is coming.

"Of course. You were in pain. I c-can understand that." We both pause again. Nothing changes with my shields.

"Can I go now?" I ask, totally lost as to what the purpose of this conversation was.

"Yes, yes. Of course. I am glad you are well."

"Thanks." I try to act as casually as possible as I leave the room. What the heck was that about? He had the opportunity to go after me and he didn't. What is his angle?

Hunger pushes out the other thoughts in my overcrowded brain, and I make my way to dinner. The other first years are nearly done eating by the time I arrive, but Lisa and Mandy are still around so I take my usual seat across from them.

"What did Quirrell want? Giving you detention?" Mandy questions as I heap a pile of mashed potatoes happily on to my plate. I notice Draco walk into the Great Hall. He immediately looks over at Ravenclaw table and when he sights me I smile brightly. His quest to rile me has only made me want to rile him more.

"Charlotte?" Lisa taps my hand, which has been frozen over the potatoes in my distraction. "What are you looking at?" She turns around and follows my gaze. When she looks back at me she is clearly surprised. "Draco Malfoy? You're friends with him?"

"Oh, not at all," I laugh. "To answer your question, Mandy, Professor Quirrell was just checking up on me." Lisa frowns but doesn't push me on the Draco subject.

"Well I need to go study," she announces, pushing away her empty plate, which disappears seconds later. "Coming, Mandy?"

"Yeah, sounds great!"

"I'll catch you two later?" I smile.

"I'm sure." Lisa and Mandy leave me to my dinner, which I haven't gotten around to taking a bite of yet. I kind of wish they had waited for me…

When I finish eating I realize that I don't know where my bunkmates are studying, so I can't really go join them. I'm not really in the mood to search the castle for them, so I head back to my bed to get some letter writing done before detention.

Seven o'clock rolls around sooner than I would like, but I make sure I'm on time. I have no idea what Dumbledore is going to have me doing, and I'm certainly not looking forward to it.

I knock on the inside door of the headmaster's office, not waiting for a response before letting myself in. I'm surprised to find that he isn't sitting at his desk, and a cursory look around shows that he isn't anywhere in the office that I can see. Taking the opportunity that's been presented, I immediately go over to Fawkes and give him some attention. His presence is soothing to my frayed nerves, and a few blissful minutes pass where I simply enjoy his company. He seems to like me well enough, letting me scratch the back of his head with a small coo.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." Dumbledore's voice behind me makes me jump. I turn around to look at him, torn between feeling sheepish and being annoyed that he scared me.

"Not very," I say in what I hope is a casual tone, going back to petting the phoenix before me.

"I see Fawkes has taken a liking to you. He's normally not very social."

"Really?" I didn't know that.

"Why don't we take a seat?" I acquiesce, reluctant to leave Fawkes' side. He seems put out that he is no longer being pet. "For your detention tonight, I thought we could talk some more, since you seemed so reluctant the last time we met." I narrow my eyes at this.

"What about?" We both know I said too much when we spoke before. I was scared. Now I don't have the potential threat of detention with Tom looming over me. Nor have I been attacked by Tom today. Last time I was reacting like an injured and cornered kitten- I'll admit. This time I don't have to say anything, so I won't.

"Is there anything else you would like to tell me about yourself?"

"No." A long pause.

"Maybe you would like to tell me more about me?"

"No." A longer pause.

"Maybe we should talk about Tom? You mentioned him last time you were here."

I'm careful not to change my expression. He wants to know how much I know, and I'm still not sure whether he knows that Tom is in the school or if I was the one who told him.

"No."

The rest of my detention passes in awkward silence. I know how much of a petulant child I must look like with my arms crossed and an annoyed glare on my face, but I would rather sit here and not say a word than risk exposing myself any more than I already have.

Two hours pass slowly and painfully as Dumbledore watches me. His patience astounds me, and I'm equally impressed that he hasn't just tried to pry me open with legilimency.

"Why?" I ask at the last moment before I'm free. Dumbledore twitches mildly in surprise.

"Why what?"

"Why aren't you forcing me to talk?"

"I don't have the power to do that."

"That's bullshit and we both know it."

"Please, Charlotte, there's no need for that sort of language." I roll my eyes.

"I don't know why I even bother with you. You'll never answer any of my questions." I move to get up- my two hours of detention are over, but the headmaster's next statement stops me in my tracks.

"You have yet to answer any of mine."

I look at the headmaster, a storm of emotions overtaking me. Why do I feel so guilty? I quickly turn away, not wanting to let anything slip.

"I'm going to miss curfew." A tense silence fills the office as I leave the office behind.

I'm surprised by how exhausted I feel after detention, and wander back to my dorm on autopilot. When I get there I'm mildly impressed that I managed it without getting lost. Maybe I'm finally getting a handle on my daily routes, not that I have much of a handle on anything else.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you like this chapter! I'm not going to hold them hostage anymore- I'll try to find the time to put more of them up. Thanks for all the comments, I appreciate them. Honestly, I know this story isn't anywhere close to perfect. I write it on the side while going to school, so I don't put nearly as much time into it as I should. That being said, I hope it's enjoyable, even if it certainly could use work.

Time seems to speed up as things calm down. Tom hasn't come after me since my first class, though my paranoia hasn't died down. Grandma was worried when I told her about Tom's attack, but since nothing has happened again she and I have been able to have relaxing correspondence again. Dumbledore seems keen on pretending I don't exist after my detention and surprisingly so has Draco. Since then we have taken our first round of exams, and grades should be posted today. I'm confident I did well, considering I haven't had any distractions as of late.

Lisa, Mandy, and I make our way to Transfiguration, the three of us excited to see our exam scores.

"I'm sure you did great, Lisa," I try to soothe her frayed nerves. She's been hysterical about this grade since we took the test.

"I know I failed! I just know it!" She whines for the upteenth time.

"Your practical was flawless, and I know you knew everything for the written."

"I bet you got the highest score of all of us," Mandy agrees.

We walk into class and sit down. The Ravenclaws are abuzz with excitement and nervousness about our scores while the Gryffindors mostly just look nauseated. It was not an easy test.

"Good afternoon, class. I'm sure you're all anxious to know how you did on your exams. I'll be passing around your scores now, and I am happy to answer any questions you may have before we begin our lecture for the day." Professor McGonagall walks around and hands our tests back. Lisa gets hers first and I watch as her tense shoulders finally relax. Mandy shoots her a thumbs up when she finally receives her own. When I am finally handed my exam, Professor McGonagall stops for a moment and smiles at me. "Congratulations Charlotte, you received the only one hundred percent."

Lisa and Mandy both stop their silent cheering to look over at me with surprise. We hadn't ended up studying together much, so they didn't know how well I knew the information. At first I had been a little bummed that we weren't spending that time together, but I realized how nice it was to not have to overstudy. After all, it isn't like I'm learning much of this information for the first time. The practical is the hardest part for me, but since I don't have to spend very much time on the paper aspect, it doesn't take me nearly as long to prepare for an exam as it would for any other first year.

Class flew by as we went on to our next section, and I almost forgot how well I did on the test until Lisa and Mandy appeared by my side at the end of lecture.

"How did you do that?" Lisa almost looked angry.

"Do what?" I asked as I packed up my things.

"Get a one hundred!" Mandy explained.

"I studied?" The three of us made our way out towards dinner.

"You're really good at it, apparently! What's your secret?" Mandy leaned in, as if I really was about to tell a secret.

"What are you talking about? I studied with you guys too. I didn't do anything special."

"Then why did you get the highest grade?"

"I don't know! I probably just got lucky." Man they are really grilling me on this! I didn't think getting a good grade would bring me so much attention. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised though, we are a bunch of Ravenclaws.

As we sit down with the other first years, more people join our conversation.

"Congrats on the hundred!"

"I can't believe someone got a perfect score on the first exam."

"I've heard McGonagall is the hardest professor in testing. How did you do it?"

"I thought that was Snape?" I counter, my head mildly spinning at all of the attention.

"Will you study with us?" I hear that question at least three separate times, and I realize I've made a mistake. It wasn't necessarily my fault that my grade got broadcasted to the class, but I should have known better than to get perfect grades. I can't risk someone suspecting me of cheating- that would be too hard to explain away other than with natural born brilliance- but being forced to study all the time with large groups of students is gonna be boring as hell since I already know the information.

"I don't really do well studying with others…" I admit, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. The happy group around me seems to grow cold after I say this. I even notice some rolled eyes.

"Yeah, sure you don't…"

"Holding back on us, Campbell?"

"Way to share the wealth."

Even Lisa and Mandy don't look pleased.

"So what, we help you study your way to a perfect score and you won't help us out?" Lisa crosses her arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why won't you help us get good grades too?" I don't think I've ever seen Mandy look so peeved.

"But we did study together! And I wasn't very helpful! I don't know how to help people study!"

"Yeah, we noticed," Lisa deadpans. I would laugh, but I don't think she's joking.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you guys behind."

"So you'll help us study?" Everyone is staring at me and I suddenly feel trapped despite the openness of the Great Hall.

"Sure."

….

Things only get worse as the week goes on and we receive the rest of our exam scores.

"Another perfect score?" Lisa grabs my paper out of my hand before I can even see it. I sigh as I try to snatch it back from her, but the damage has already been done- she knows my grade. I can't believe I got an one hundred on every single exam so far. I thought for sure I would screw up a couple of questions, so I hadn't even thought about purposely marking some wrong. Apparently I had retained the information better than I thought.

Since they found out about my perfect grade, Lisa and Mandy had become more curious about what my other exam scores would be, and by the end of the week they had moved themselves to sit next to me in every class. Now with the two of them by my side, I'm forced to try to pay attention in my classes, otherwise they'll wonder how I'm doing so well. This is getting aggravating.

"Can I see your notes?" Lisa whispers in Herbology. I give her a sharp look. Wasn't she the one who always said I wasn't allowed to see her notes? "Please? Just for a second." Before this week I had never taken a single note, seeing as the professors had yet to say something I felt I couldn't remember. Now with my friends breathing down my throat, I even have to take b.s. notes.

"Ugh, fine," I groan, handing my notes over to her. I hope they're up to par.

"Thanks."

"Can I see them after?" Mandy hasn't been taking any notes all class.

"No!"

"Aww come on, I take terrible notes. Yours are so much better! Why should I have to write my notes twice when I'm just gonna copy your notes later anyway?" I roll my eyes in annoyance. Why does it feel like I'm doing everything all of a sudden?

"Whatever."

"Well you don't have to be rude about it," she huffs.

…..

Unsurprisingly I did not do well in Potions. I did alright on the written portion (though not perfectly), but my practical was abysmal. Sally hasn't been my partner since our first class (she apologized) and my partner has frequently been whoever shows up to class last. Ever since that became the norm, most of the class comes as soon as they've finished lunch, much to Snape's chagrin. Fortunately for everyone else, our exam required us to work alone. I managed not to blow anything up, so Snape gave me a Dreadful. Clearly I'm not going to grow up to be a potions master.

I had expected Lisa and Mandy to want to sit with me in this class too, but they didn't switch seats. I couldn't ask them about it during class, so I caught up with them afterwards.

"What gives?" I pant as I slow back down to a walk.

"What?"

"You didn't sit with me this class."

"Oh, well, we didn't want to upset Professor Snape," Mandy explains lamely. She looks sort of guilty for some reason.

"You didn't seem to mind in all our other classes."

"Yeah, but those classes didn't have Professor Snape in them," Lisa argues quickly.

"I suppose."

"So we're studying together again tonight, right?" Mandy changes the subject.

"Of course," I agree. Ever since my first perfect score Mandy and Lisa have been spending every evening with me. I've been asked by most of the other first years to study with them too, and I have spent most of my free time hanging out with everyone. I even wrote Grandma to tell her how well I've been making friends! I should have known that being the "smartest" would be the easiest way to make friends in Ravenclaw house. While I liked having free time to myself before, it's been a wonderful surprise to spend time with the other first years, who I was pretty awkward around before.

I'm not an idiot though. I do know that everyone's interested in hanging out with me because I'm the smartest, as far as they know. But that doesn't mean we aren't friends, right?

That being said, I plan on lowering my grades for the next set of exams. Just a couple of points lower, not enough to make anyone question how I suddenly got stupid, but enough so that I'm no longer the top of the class. I don't think it'd be a good idea to get perfect scores forever.

….

"So I heard you're smarter than you look." Draco catches me alone in the hall one evening after class. I continue walking towards the Great Hall, but I can't bring myself to completely ignore the little brat. He walks alongside me as we talk.

"...thank...you?"

"You're welcome." I roll my eyes at his childishness. Maybe I _should_ just ignore him.

"What do you want, Draco?"

"I could tell you were upset after meeting me for the first time, especially since you were so full of social faux pas, so I thought I would come tell you that I forgive you."

" _Forgive me?!_ " I turn on the younger boy, clearly surprising him as I force him to a halt with my glare. "You cannot be serious!" He only takes a moment to compose himself once again and continue.

"I was even going to invite you to our study group. It's usually Slytherins only, but maybe I shouldn't since you can't even apologize properly."

"You-you want me to apologize? For _what_?!" I'm seething at this point. I've got such an urge to punch the little prat across the jaw, I'm surprised Hermione didn't do it sooner.

"You really think you did nothing wrong?" He crosses his arms petulantly.

"No! You were the one trying to make fun of me!"

"You were the one who was speaking to me without respect."

"You're not a king, Malfoy, you're a rich prat!" Draco seems surprised that I call him by his last name. "I'm not going to go study with you, and I don't know why you think I would!" Without another word I stomp away; Draco doesn't bother to call after me.

I continue to head to dinner, my mind racing with angry thoughts. How dare he try to make me apologize! No wonder Harry hates him so much! Gryffindors love to feel righteously angry, and that's all I'm feeling right now. What the hell was his problem anyway? Why did he invite me to study with him? Slytherins are always trying to get something out of a relationship, so why was he trying to talk to me?

My steps slow as I think harder about the situation. Draco said he forgave me, meaning he had wanted me to apologize. I don't think he is stupid enough to think I would ever apologize when we both know I didn't do anything, right? Or did he really think I did something wrong? I'm clearly not getting anywhere trying to figure that part out.

Why did he want to study with me? It's not like we're friends or anything. I replay the conversation in my mind, hoping to find a clue.

" _...I heard you're smarter than you look."_

Suddenly it all clicks. He heard that I got perfect scores...if he wanted something from me, he would probably want my grades...so he only talked to me because he wanted me to agree to study with him! _That's_ why he forgave me! Because it was the only way to fix the fact that he had made fun of me the last time we spoke. He couldn't apologize for what he did, so he thought he could make me feel like I did something wrong instead. Geez, Slytherins are impossible. It should _not_ take me this long to figure out a conversation.

I've made it to the Great Hall and am about to sit down with my friends when a realization stops me cold. Draco asked me to study with him, despite the fact that we're clearly not friends, because I had gotten good grades. He didn't give a shit about me- he just wanted to use me. I look at Lisa and Mandy. They're not just using me, right? We're friends! They care about me. Right? I march over to our table, determined not to let these negative thoughts slow me down.

"Hey guys!" I call, sitting across from the pair. They take a second to notice, as they're focused on their own quiet conversation.

"Oh, hey, Charlotte," Mandy answers after a minute or two. I start scooping some Sheppard's pie onto my plate. "Studying tonight?"

"Sure!"

Mandy and Lisa go back to their whispered conversation, and I'm left wondering whether what I thought earlier is true. Since I was late to dinner, as usual, Lisa and Mandy finish eating long before me.

"We'll see you in the library?" Lisa asks as the pair stand up.

"Oh, ok. If you don't want to stay here…" Why can't I just be straightforward in what I want to say? I'm a grown adult, after all!

"We just want to get ahead on the homework. I'm sure you can catch up when you get there."

"Yeah, I guess." Without another word, the pair head out. Were they always this cold to me? No, I'm clearly just being dramatic. To prove myself wrong, I turn to another first year beside me who has been in many of my study groups. "Hey Eduardo, want to hang out tomorrow?"

"To study?" he asks hopefully.

"I was thinking of taking a break tomorrow."

"Oh, well I'm sort of behind on Transfiguration homework. Maybe I'll have time if you help me with that first?" I stare at him for a moment as the truth cuts me like a furious Buckbeak- they're all using me.

No, no, no! I'm being childish! Ravenclaws put our studies first. We're all just being typical of our house! I don't know why this is surprising me. Besides, I know how to prove whether or not I have real friends or not. Everything will be clear when I'm not the top student anymore.

…

Another round of tests come and go, and Halloween is upon us. I'm a little bummed I'm going to miss out on the holiday feast- it looked amazing in the movie- but I would rather not be evacuated back to my dorm halfway through it. I don't give a rat's ass about the troll since it's only importance is in bringing the golden trio together. There's no reason in me being around for that event in any way. Instead, I'm going to use my future knowledge to get myself something nice from the kitchens and curl up in my bed before everyone comes charging in telling me about a troll in the dungeons.

But before all that, it's time for class.

Lisa, Mandy, and I are headed to Herbology, going through the same thing we did the last time we had an exam.

"I'm sure you got the best grade in the class," I say, trying to sound like I give a shit. I'm starting to get tired of her constant complaining.

"But you did better than me last time!" Lisa whines.

"But we studied together every day this time," I remind her.

We walk in and sit down together, as usual. A few minutes later Professor Sprout is passing out our grades. I don't even get a chance to look at my own before Mandy has snatched it out of my hand.

"Oh," she sounds surprised. "It looks like you're losing your touch."

"Yes!" Lisa cheers a bit too loudly as she gets her own grade. Mandy hands her mine to compare, still not letting me see it. "Oh wow, Charlotte, what happened to you?" She tries to sound concerned and totally fails at it.

"Let me see!" I swipe my own test back. A 96. Perfect; not too high. Lisa then shows me her own grade, a 98. "Congrats!" I also struggle to sound like I care.

"Thanks!" Fortunately she doesn't seem to notice my insincerity. I haven't been able to get it out of my head that my friends might not actually be my friends. I know I shouldn't be so childish about it, but I've struggled to enjoy their company for the last few weeks with that thought in the back of my mind.

Class begins in earnest after all of the tests are handed back, and I start taking my useless notes, as usual. After I finish a page I hand it over to Mandy so she can copy it, but she hands it back quickly with a small note added to it.

_I've got Lisa's, thanks!_

I look at the note with confusion. She's never asked Lisa for her notes...but Lisa had never gotten a higher grade than me before. I glare at the words hatefully for a moment before sighing. At least now I don't have to take notes anymore. Now it's time to see if I really have any friends.

…

One by one I get lower grades on my tests, and one by one my "friends" that I had been studying with pull away. I hadn't exactly been very helpful with their studying, I really don't know how to teach, and now that my grades have dropped, they have no reason to keep me around.

"We're not going to be studying today."

"Well you're so busy with your other study groups, you don't have to worry about us."

"Our group is already pretty big."

Each study group gives me a different bullshit excuse on why they don't want to see me anymore, and I know I've been had. My last study group is Lisa and Mandy, but I want to have faith in them!

"There you two are!" I find the pair in the library after lunch...studying...without me. "So what are we studying for?" I start to put my bag down, but Lisa's words stop me.

"No, we're not really studying," Lisa closes the textbook in front of her. "We were just looking something up."

"Oh…ok. Studying tonight?"

"We thought we would take a break for Halloween!" Mandy chirps excitedly. Almost too excitedly.

"Doing anything fun tonight?"

"Nah, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have the night off." I have the distinct feeling that I'm being lied to.

"I guess I'll see you guys later then," I pick my bag back up and leave them to their "not studying". As I'm walking down the hall, I see Draco and his usual pack headed my way. Unfortunately it would be too awkward at this point to turn around, since they've spotted me as well, so I'll just have to walk past and hope they're busy with something else. As I'm about to pass the group, Draco starts speaking much too loudly, clearly wanting me to overhear since I'm the only other person in the hall besides his groupies.

"I can't wait for the Halloween party tonight. It's a good thing we only invited the _cool_ Ravenclaws." Pansy laughs obnoxiously at his statement and looks back at me; embarrassingly I've stopped to look back at them as well.

"Wouldn't it suck to be all alone tonight?" she adds. They continue walking, leaving me with the reality that I've known all along but just didn't want to face- I don't have any friends.

After a few minutes of standing there and stewing over my emotions, I storm down the hall back towards the library. Despite everything, I want to hear it straight from the source. I can't believe I've been hoodwinked by a bunch of eleven year olds. I guess I deserve this for being so gullible.

"Is it true?" I stop in front of Lisa and Mandy and wait impatiently for their response.

"Is what true?" Mandy answers uncertainly, clearly taken aback by the anger I'm exuding.

"You're ditching me to go to the Slytherin party?" An awkward silence stretches between us. "I just wanted to make sure before I made any snap decisions about not speaking to you anymore." I begin to turn away.

"Wait!" Lisa gets up, self-righteous anger coloring her features. "You're that mad over a stupid party?"

"It's not just about the party, Lisa! You guys only cared about me because I got higher grades than you!"

"That's ridiculous!" Our voices are both rising, causing Madam Pince to appear out of the woodwork like a wraith.

"Quiet in the library!" she hisses. The three of us apologize to her meekly before turning back to one another.

"Were you, or were you not, planning on kicking me out of your study group?" I whisper angrily.

"We-we wouldn't do that," Mandy tries to lie. It's not convincing enough.

"Sure. Enjoy your party." I turn around and leave the library, and officially leave my fake friends behind. All I wanted was to live a happy, carefree life as a witch, and even when things are peaceful I manage to screw that up.

I try my hardest to push back the tears that are threatening to spill down my face as I head back to my dorm. At least now I don't have to make up any excuses to anyone about why I wasn't at dinner. Now I know no one will care enough to ask.

Making my way down a corner, I accidentally shoulder check someone. I murmur an apology, but don't bother looking back.

"Charlotte?" I hear a familiar voice call for me uncertainly. I reluctantly turn around to see Harry looking worried.

"Not now, Harry." I brush him off briskly and keep walking.

I find my dorm room blissfully empty, allowing me to finally use some of my wandless magic for once. I immediately magic myself into some pajamas and use a warming spell on them and my blankets to make everything cozier. Then I close the curtains around my four poster bed with a wave of my hand and cast a silencing charm around it. Now if only I hadn't been wasting my time the past month pretending to study with those first year morons, I could have actually learned a few things for myself; for example, I'd love to learn an alarm spell so I don't have to worry about being pranked or bothered while I'm sleeping. It's better not to use it today anyway, I suppose. Even if no one is friends with me, they're still going to want to tell me about the troll later.

I let out a loud, miserable sigh. Part of me wants to study that alarm spell anyway, but I know I'm too angry and upset to actually focus properly. I'm so sick of being the mature, responsible one and getting nothing out of it! I would much rather be in the Room of Requirement right now, but I don't want to be mysteriously absent when the troll is loose. Assuming that anyone knows that I'm gone.

"Ugh!" I throw myself back onto my bed. Maybe I'm just not meant to have friends right now. I'm much too old for the kids around me anyway. Fred and George are nice, but I doubt they really consider themselves my friends. It's not like they actually care about me.

I feel too angry with myself to cry. How did I not see this coming? Looking back on the last two months, it seems so obvious now that no one around me was actually interested in befriending me. No one ever really cared to talk to me about anything but school stuff. At first I thought it was just a Ravenclaw thing, but obviously they just didn't care to become friends with me. I'm not exactly the most lovable person anyway. I put my hands over my face and whine loudly. It's nice to at least have the space to be angry about this. I idly wonder where the other students go to let out their frustrations with each other.

The more I think about it, the more I know I'm better off by myself. I can make all the friends I want when Tom is dead, but before that, I need to focus on keeping myself alive. I shouldn't have any of the ridiculous sort of adventures that Harry found (will find?) himself in, but as I've already experienced once this year, that doesn't mean I'm going to be adversity free. Focusing on people other than myself will only lead to trouble down the road- better to fend for myself and not have to worry about anyone else. I know I wanted to have fun, but that's not what school is for anyway, right?

I toss and turn around my bed, my agitation not letting me lie still. Sleeping seems silly since I'll be woken up. My stomach growls loudly, interrupting that train of thought. Why sleep when I could eat! Maybe I don't have to take a trip all the way to the kitchens. I had wanted to before, but now I'm comfortable in pajamas and am not in the mood to speak to risk having to speak to anyone.

Do I remember a house elf's name? I know I can't call for Dobby- he doesn't work here yet- so I have to think of someone else. I pull open the curtains around my bed and step outside of the silencing barrier I have placed around it.

"Tippy?" I call uncertainly. There's a loud pop and a house elf is standing before me. I've seen a few in person, not just in the movies, but it's still an interesting experience to speak to one.

"Miss Charlotte called for me?" Tippy asks nervously when I don't immediately give her an order.

"You know my name?"

"Of course, Miss Charlotte wearses the pink underwear-"

"Oh ok, Tippy! That's enough please!" I wave my hands frantically in embarrassment and Tippy immediately stops talking.

Her eyes go wider than I thought possible as she asks, "Have I upsets Miss Charlotte? Should I-?"

"No no, Tippy!" I interrupt her again, unsure if she has the same self-mutilating tendencies as Dobby. I may have remembered her name, but that's about all. "Everything is fine. I actually wanted to ask a favor."

"No favors needed for you misses! Yous a good girl and Tippy is always happy to help. Tippy is a Hogwarts elf- always helping Hogwarts studentses."

"Thank you, Tippy." Despite knowing that is would be her reaction, I'm still taken aback by her earnestness. The house elf seems just as surprised by my thanks.

"Tippy wants to help." She says uncertainly.

"Can you possibly bring me something to eat? I'm not going down to dinner tonight."

"Is Miss Charlotte alright? Need to go to healer?" Tippy reaches for my hand and I immediately yank it back.

"No, Tippy! I...I'm just a little sad right now, that's all." I figure there's no reason to lie to her.

"Sad?"

"Yes. I want to be alone for a while, but I'm also hungry."

"Tippy can help!" With an adorable salute, Tippy disappears with another pop. In the meantime I conjure myself a chair and small table to eat at. I always thought it was weird that there were none in the dorm rooms, but now I realize that conjuring one is a very simple option for most students.

A few minutes later, Tippy and another elf I don't recognize pop back into the room with plates and cups in their hands. It immediately smells wonderful and my mouth waters instantly.

"Hot chocolate always good for sad studentses," Tippy says matter-of-factly as she sets a steaming mug down in front of me. She also has a glass of pumpkin juice. The other house elf sets down two heaping plates, one filled with banquet foods and the other with desserts. With a low bow, he disappears. "Is everything alright now, Miss Charlotte?"

"Yes," I smile honestly for the first time all day, "everything is going to be alright."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh this is a fun chapter. I'm sure you guys will like it. ;)

As expected, about an hour after my solitary dinner, Ravenclaw house burst back in to the dorms. I can hear them in the common room now. A few girls seem to be heading up towards our room too. I make sure to take the silencing spell down from around my bed so I won't have to actually get up when they get here. A group of them, including Mandy and Lisa, burst into the room mid-conversation.

"Oh my god, I can't believe that happened!"

"Do you think it was a prank?"

"Professor Quirrell pulling a prank? When pigs fly!"

"And we know the Weasley twins didn't do it."

"So there really was a troll?"

The girls are nervously chattering with one another and haven't noticed me yet. I have half a mind to shut my curtains again and just ignore them. As I lean over to do just that, Mandy sees me.

"Oh," she starts awkwardly, causing everyone to look over at me.

"What happened?" Do I sound curious enough?

"There was a troll in the dungeons!" A girl who's name I've forgotten leaps at the chance to tell me.

"A real one?"

"We don't know yet. But Professor Quirrell came running into The Great Hall screaming about a troll and then he collapsed."

"That doesn't sound like much of a prank."

"I know, right? But it is Halloween…"

"Whoever did something like that, real or not, would definitely get expelled," Lisa adds confidently. I nod my agreement. Obviously I know who let the troll in, but no one would ever believe it if I said who it was. Not that I care to.

"You weren't at dinner?" Someone else asks me.

"Oh, I wasn't feeling well," I brush them off.

The rest of the girls continue chattering as they get ready for bed. Lisa and Mandy seem torn between trying to tiptoe around me and pretending that nothing happened. I roll my eyes at their behavior and go back to my book. I've finally calmed down enough to go back to studying (I know it's weird for all you non-Ravenclaws, but studying really calms us down in hard times). I'm currently reading up on new spells, like the alarm spell, and I'll start practicing the wand work when next I have free time.

While trying to study diligently, I notice that my thoughts keep straying to my non-friends not too far from me and I suddenly have a nasty thought.

Before I can think of the repercussions I burst out, "Oh, I guess all the Halloween parties must be canceled. That sucks." I smirk.

"Don't say that as if you were invited to anything," Lisa snaps back. Mandy, myself, and even Lisa have wide eyes. The other girls in the dorm are busy with their own conversations and don't seem to notice our drama unfolding.

While they might have been faking being my friends, I didn't think we would jump straight to outright aggression. I have a right to be angry and make occasional passive-aggressive comments, but clearly we all thought Lisa had stepped out of line with that reaction. Instead of backing off, however, Lisa recovers quickly and presses on. "Jealousy is an ugly emotion."

"It's not like you would have even wanted to go," Mandy tries.

"Draco would never have invited me," I add numbly.

"Then why are you mad at us?" Mandy asks.

"Because you lied to me about it!"

"You barely talk. We figured it would be better if we just didn't tell you."

"I barely talk?" Lisa and Mandy laugh bitterly for a moment.

"You spend a lot more time in your head than you think you do, clearly. It's annoying, you going around thinking you're all high and mighty and never talking to anyone," Lisa grinds out, sounding frustrated at having to explain it to me.

"You can't seriously think that."

"It's so obvious!" Mandy retorts.

"You guys really think that?" I murmur more to myself than to them.

"Go on and be better than the rest of us, mere mortals. Even though I get better grades than you now," Lisa throws her hair over her shoulder and turns away. I roll my eyes. I can't believe she spent all that time with me and still didn't realize that I lowered my grades on purpose. At least my lying skills seem pretty good.

"Whatever you say, Lisa. At least I don't use people to get better grades." Without waiting for her response, I shut the curtains around my bed and try my hand at that alarm spell. I don't know if I did it right, but I won't know until someone tries to touch my bed from the outside. Hopefully it works! Knowing that I (probably) won't be disturbed, I decide to write to grandma.

I'm torn between whether or not I should tell her about my drama with my friends. In the end, I decide to confide in her. Who else can I talk to, if not her? I start writing, thinking how ridiculous the whole situation is, but even as I think that, the tears start falling. I try my hardest not to let them smudge the page out of sheer embarrassment. I can't believe I'm crying about what some eleven year olds said to me! Why do I even care?! But the more I write, the more cathartic it feels. I can complain about how mean they were, and I think of more instances when it was so clear that they didn't care about me. By the time I finish, I'm still confused about why I feel the way I do, but at least I've gotten it off my chest.

As an afterthought, I mention the troll, making it clear that it wasn't a big deal and that I would tell her more when I come home for Christmas.

Despite my misgivings, I end up writing my parents and telling them about my friend troubles as well. It's a normal thing to happen to eleven year olds, after all, and I want them to be included in my life. By the time I've finished writing everything, I'm exhausted, and resolve to head to the owlery first thing in the morning.

Morning comes suddenly and unhappily. Our usual morning routine is now punctuated by angry awkwardness, making our unfriendly trio tiptoe around one another as we try to avoid looking each other in the eye. I wonder if anyone else notices our oddness, but if they do, they don't say anything.

I'm finally free of the dorms and head off to the owlery before breakfast, both to send my letters and as an excuse to avoid my non-friends. On my way there, I'm surprised to run in to Fred and George. While I am happy to see them, my bitter side reminds me that they're not really my friends.

"Hello, boys!" I call, ignoring that bitterness as much as I can.

"Charlotte!" They call, wrapping me in an unexpected hug.

"Oh, uh…" They laugh at my flustered reaction and I can't help the light blush that dusts my cheeks.

"What, no hugs?" one twin asks.

"I just didn't expect it…" I run a hand through my hair in embarrassment.

"You know, dear brother, I think-"

"-Charlotte doesn't get enough hugs." The twins finish each other's thought. I wish I could tell which one is which, but I don't know how.

I'm suddenly being hugged again, and an involuntary squeak escapes me as I'm squished between the two taller boys.

"We hug a lot in our family," one says.

"I figured."

"Where are you headed?" the other asks.

"The owlery."

"Well what gentlemen what would be if we don't walk you there?"

"Don't you have to go to breakfast?" I can't help but wonder what their angle is.

"Don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I'm going after…" I realize that had been a silly question on my part.

"So we can walk you there! Unless-"

"-you don't want us to?" The two grab my arms and start pulling me gently down the hall. I follow along, trying to dispel my unwillingness.

"Of course not…" I trail off uselessly. As we continue walking, I remember a question I had for the pair. "So I heard about the troll issue."

"Ugh!" One lets go of my hand to put his hands over his ears. "No more! I don't want to hear about it!"

"What…?"

"Fred is still really put out about our prank idea being overshadowed by someone else's," the one I'm now assuming is George leans over to whisper to me as his brother pretends to writhe in anguish. I look over at Fred and study him before looking over at George. Fred's hair is currently slightly ruffled due to his frantic behaviour, so that's how I'll tell them apart for now.

"What do you mean?

"We had such a great prank planned for the end of the Halloween feast, but after the troll thing our plans were all ruined," George continues to explain. Fred moans in agony.

"It would have been amazing!" he whines.

"What was the pla-"

"Shhh," Fred puts a finger up, halting my question. "Next year." I laugh, but don't push them any further. "We're here!" He announces unnecessarily as he pulls open the door to the owlery.

The three of us walk inside and I whistle loudly. Despite the huge amount of owls flying around, I know that Tally will come to me if she's in here. Within a few moments, Tally flies down and lands on my outstretched arm. She cocks her head to the side, clearly waiting for a treat.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Tally. I didn't think to bring you anything."

"I got it!" Fred pulls a piece of bacon out of his pocket and Tally takes is happily.

"...why?" I look at him with confusion.

"Emergency snacks!" George supplies. I laugh again. Spending time with these two, I laugh more than I have the entirety of the year so far. That voice in my head that is trying to tell me they're not really my friends is harder to listen to when I'm laughing.

I pull out my letters from last night and hand them off to Tally. As I'm wrapping the bit of string around her outstretched leg, Fred tries to reach in and nab one of them.

"Hey!" I squeak, turning to him and slapping his hand away. "That's not for you!"

"I just wanted to see," Fred complains.

"You whine a lot!" I giggle. "You could have just asked."

"But what's the fun in that?" George asks from my other side as he is holding the letters at an angle so he can read their address'.

"You tricked me!"

"Who's whining now?" Fred asks tauntingly. He moves to read over his brother's shoulder and I don't bother to stop them. I don't honestly care if they know who I'm writing to. I roll my eyes and finishing tying the knot as Tally squawks and fidgets with impatience.

"Are you done reading so I can let Tally do her job?"

"Grandma and your parents? How boring!"

"Unless it's code-"

"-for her secret boyfriends!" The two finish in unison and stare at me expectantly. They're clearly waiting for me to look shocked or something.

"Sure, that's definitely it," I deadpan as Tally flies away.

"We knew it!" They high-five and I head out ahead of them.

"So that was Tally." I look behind me to see who spoke, but Fred fixed his hair to look exactly like his brother's again so I'm not sure at all. I wait a moment for the twins to catch up to me.

"Yeah, she's wonderful."

"She reminds me of you," the same twin says quietly and oddly calmly. I turn to look at him with mock offense. I notice his twin is looking at him with confusion at the same time.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

There's a long pause as the redhead skips ahead, effectively making it impossible to see his face as he speaks.

"You both just seem like you want to fly away."

I stop dead, my eyes blown wide. The other twin takes another step before he realizes that he is walking alone towards his brother. He turns back to look at me, but the one who spoke hasn't turned around. I hadn't expected something so serious from the Weasley twins, especially not at thirteen years old. The three of us stand in silence in the middle of the hall as I try unsuccessfully to grapple with my emotions. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"W-" my voice quivers. I cough and try again. "What makes you say that?"

The further twin laughs loudly and finally turns around to face me.

"You're such a terrible liar."

Without another word, he turns and continues walking down the hall, his brother and I oggoling after him in confusion. After a few moments, my brain kicks back on and reminds me that I still have to get to breakfast. Pushing down the myriad of thoughts and feelings that conversation brought up, I run after the Weasley twins, who are now walking far ahead of me together.

The rest of our walk to The Great Hall is much more normal. We all end up pretending that nothing happened between us and we laugh and joke as normal. I can't figure out which twin said that to me, but I don't have the guts to ask.

Our trio splits once we get to breakfast, and I take a few steps towards my usual spot at the Ravenclaw table before I realize what I'm doing. My usual spot has Lisa and Mandy in it. I can't stand the idea of having to sit next to them and listen to them be friendly with everyone but me.

I slow my gait as I try to surreptitiously find an open spot at the table. Closest to the teachers is the emptiest area (no surprises there) so I guess that's where I'm going to be stuck sitting. Giving up one discomfort for another seems like the theme of my life lately. I would rather not have to spend my meal times so close to my enemies, but I don't have a lot of choice right now without being awkward and trying to slide in with a bunch of upperclassman.

In the end, sitting alone at breakfast ends up being nice. My mental shields are up all the time anyway, so it doesn't end up being much of bother to be near the teachers. I take the time alone to think and go through what I'm feeling. Why did Fred (or George?) say that to me earlier? Does he really see right through me?

I stab my sausage with more vigor than necessary. He said I just want to fly away… Do I really seem so unhappy? I mean, things have been pretty difficult, but I'm still happy to be here. I don't want to leave Hogwarts. He can't possibly suspect the truth, even his roundabout way of thinking couldn't lead him to that, so what does he think of me? All I know for sure is that he thinks I'm a liar…

I finish breakfast long before I can finish this circular thought process. There's no real answers waiting for me in my head, so I might as well move on to class. Fortunately I get to start my day with flying lessons, and nothing clears my head better than that.

While I love flying class, I admit that it's pretty slow moving for my taste. I'm certainly not a pro flyer, but it took us almost a month before we were even allowed to fly more than a foot. Now we can fly around a little bit, but Madam Hooch is more focused on those of us who can fly well than those who can't.

"And you had better stay within the boundaries or I'll give you detention for a month!" she threatens. We all know she means it- the boys in class who have tried to show each other up in their flying skills have calmed down significantly after their fourth consecutive month of detentions.

Today we're focusing on speed changes- how to go faster and how to slow back down without throwing yourself off your broom. We're all set up in rows so that Madam Hooch can watch us all as we fly in a straight line down and back across the field. This is also practice from last week's lesson- turning around.

None of these lessons are new to me and are therefore rather boring. I wish I could just fly around like I want, but even just being on a broom is far better than not being on one at all. To entertain myself with this inane exercise, I've taken to doing it upside-down. I manage to go down and back three times before Madam Hooch catches me.

"Charlotte Campbell!" I stop sharply as the quidditch referee suddenly comes in to my upside-down vision. She's lucky I'm a good flyer- I could have run right in to her!

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" A few of my classmates that hadn't already been giving me weird looks join in to stare.

"Flying the laps you asked?"

"Do you want detention?" I lazily turn myself back over.

"No, ma'am."

"Continue, _as normal."_

"Yes, ma'am."

When we're finished with class and I'm getting off my broom, I notice a few girls staring at me and talking amongst themselves.

"She just wants everyone to look at her."

"It's because she thinks she's so smart."

"I've heard she's a cheater."

"Well she only good perfect grades in the beginning, so the professors must have caught her cheating."

I blink at the group a few times, slowly realizing that they're talking about me. All at once, I have a ridiculous revelation and it's so sad I almost want to laugh. I'm the Luna Lovegood of my year! I've never thought of myself as that weird, but I guess with no one like Luna around to compare me to, I'm the weirdest "kid" in our year. I can't believe the sheer irony of it all; me, a grown adult, getting bullied. How did this happen?

I ignore the girls gossiping about me, but over the following days I notice it more and more frequently. I also start to notice, thanks to the gossiping, that the students around me are seeing me as more eccentric. In my boredom and quest for further knowledge, I tend to do things in my classes that I guess _could_ be construed as odd…

"Miss Campbell, would you care to explain what is going on here?" Professor Flitwick asks. I thought I could get away with some experimentation without anyone noticing, but clearly that hasn't worked out for me.

"I thought I could try to soften the wood with spongify before I cut it with diffindo," I explain sheepishly. "I wanted to see what would happen."

We had learned spongify a few weeks prior in class, so I thought it wouldn't look that odd that I was using that spell. Plus, I was honestly curious to see what would happen.

"Didn't we already say that diffindo could cut anything?" The professor prods patiently.

"Yeah, I know, but I wanted to see what it would look like on something softer."

"Well, let's see it then," he smiles. I smile back and happily oblige.

"Diffindo!" I slash my wand down as we had been instructed and the, now soft, wood splits in half. For some reason I had this ridiculous expectation that feathers would burst out or something, but the soft wood remains intact except for the split down its middle.

"Well done! 5 points to Ravenclaw for the creative use of past spells, Miss Campbell!" I blush as everyone looks up from what they're doing, most of them scowling at me, despite the points I was awarded. Some Ravenclaws seem mildly pleased, but I can tell most of them are sick of me being in the spotlight. The Hufflepuffs don't seem to care one way or the other at least.

"Why is she trying so hard to get the professor's approval?" I overhear a girl loudly whisper to Lisa.

"She just wants to prove how much better she is than us," Lisa doesn't hesitate to answer. I sigh.

Grandma and my parents write back the next day, during which time I feel more and more ostracized by my classmates. I can't believe how quickly and how brutally the Hogwarts rumor mill works. Upon receiving my letters, I decide to read my parent's letter first, which is filled with nothing but support and sympathy.

_Don't let those bullies get you down, Char! I know making friends isn't the easiest thing, but one day you'll have amazing friends that will stand beside you, just you wait!_

Reading my parents letters is really the ray of sunshine I need in my dark days. Grandma's letter is more serious, but she definitely keeps me grounded. Even being slightly vague, she always seems to know exactly what to say.

_My dearest Charlotte,_

_I know you must be upset, but I can't help but laugh at the fact that you're struggling with the other children so much! I am so happy to hear that you are learning to live with your heart on your sleeve. I worried when you started school that you would shut yourself away and live in fear of things completely out of your control. Living in the moment can be a painful experience, but it shows how much you have grown since you were born. Overthinking is still something you need to work on, but it warms my heart to hear that you are experiencing Hogwarts to the fullest. Don't be afraid to reach for what you want._

_I know your parents have done enough consoling for five people, so I will leave that to them. My only other advice to you is this: don't try to ignore your sadness. You think you don't deserve to feel upset about something so trivial but you have every right. It doesn't matter the situation- everyone deserves to have companionship with their peers, struggling with that would make anyone unhappy. Allow yourself the proper time to grieve before moving on, and don't shut yourself away again. The world wants to meet you, the least you can do it meet it halfway._

_Much love, as always,_

_Grandma_

I sigh deeply as I put down the letter. I'm reading it during lunch, where I am eating alone, again. She made a lot of good points, and hit on a lot of issues I didn't know were bothering me. Grandma has always seen me more clearly than I have been able to see myself, which just goes to show how much growing up I have to do. I didn't realize how much she worried about me.

It's funny how you can both know something and not understand it at the same time. I know that she's always worried about me, but I never really understood to what extent before. My happiness at school was never something on my radar, and yet Grandma has been concerned about it all along. I smile and push away my empty plate, feeling more content than I have in a long time, and not just because of the food.

...

Just a few weeks before Christmas finds me sitting in a secluded section of the library. The Ravenclaw common room isn't the safe haven I thought it would be since most of my year can't stand my presence anymore. I'd love to be outside reading, but the three inches of snow keep that from becoming a reality. Instead I've burrowed myself in a blanket warmed with a simple charm so that I can sit by the window and watch the snow fall whenever I tire of the _Most Underrated Dueling Spells You Should Know._ Dumbledore's laissez-faire attitude on everything in the school that isn't Harry or Tom has its perks; no sane headmaster would leave this in the school library...would they? Maybe I just have a more conservative view of what children should be learning about…

I blink back to reality, having been staring out across the snowy lawn for some time, when I notice a dark shadow of a person coming towards me. All black, really? A small figure in all black with their hood up does not look nearly as menacing as that person believes. Surprisingly, the small, black clad figure sits in the empty chair across from me and flips his hood back.

"Theodore Nott," he introduces himself succinctly and puts a hand out to me. I stare at him in utter confusion as I shake his outstretched hand.

"Charlotte Campbell? You're not a dark fairy coming to steal me away are you? Oh I guess that wouldn't work since you said you're real name too…"

"How do you know that's my real name?" He surprisingly plays along with my silly comment.

"I'm in class with you. I'm not that oblivious that I don't know the names of my classmates." That was a bold faced lie- I know the names of almost none of my classmates.

"Really? What's the name of that Ravenclaw girl you're sitting next to in Herbology now?" He quirks an eyebrow at me and I know I've been trapped.

"Shirley," I lie, hoping I sound confident.

"Really? I thought she said her name was Danielle." A short, awkward pause opens up between us.

"Why are you taking the time to talk to a half-blood anyway?" I sneer.

"Oh, she does have a dark side," he smiles for the first time and I'm impressed how much it brightens up his face. His dark hair and eyes with all that black clothing on made him look half dead but that smile brought him back to life. Smiling, he doesn't look unattractive, you know, for an eleven year old.

"That's rich coming from mister all-clad-in-black, over here. Trying to join a cult?"

"If I wanted to listen to childish insults I would have gone to speak to a Gryffindor," Nott makes a motion to get up but I quickly hold a hand out.

"Fine, fine. You've got me there. I apologize for my behaviour." I'm not sure what made me have Nott stay. He started the conversation by proving that he is paying more attention to me than I would like, but he did let me change the topic to something else, so maybe he doesn't have bad intentions? He is a Slytherin though so he must have some sort of goal in mind, otherwise he wouldn't be talking to me. As Nott sits back down, I finally close the book in my hand and put it to the side.

"Dueling spells?" he asks curiously as he tilts his head to the side to read the cover.

"Oh uh," Why was I so upset about not having friends again? Lying is hard work! "I heard there used to be a dueling club here, so I thought it would be fun to learn about dueling spells."

"Any interesting spells so far?"

"Not any that I wasn't already aware of…" I trail off as if I really am honestly answering that question. What am I thinking? He could be an enemy! I can't go telling him what dueling spells I know, for crying out loud!

"I'm surprised you're not studying for potions. Have you completely given up on the subject?" I really should be studying. Our final is in three weeks and I am completely unprepared, but Nott doesn't need to know that.

"What did Snape send you here?"

"On the contrary, I'm sure Snape would be ecstatic if you quit potions forever. He complains about you almost as much as he complains about Longbottom." I wince at the comparison. I can't believe I'm _that_ bad at potions. "I came because I thought you could use a tutor." I narrow my eyes in disbelief and confusion.

"If Snape says I'm as bad as Neville, there's no way I can be tutored easily. Why would you offer something like that?"

"Well obviously I would want something in return." He smiles again and that somehow makes me more anxious about this whole situation. "I want to know your secret."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for being patient! Sorry this took so long to post. This is what happens when I don't put myself on a schedule. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Feel free to pester me to post more. I just might listen. ;)

Theodore Nott watches my face carefully as he waits for my answer. I swallow hard as my stomach drops trying desperately to keep my face straight.

"...my...secret?" I can barely keep myself together. There's no way he knows. There's no way. My mental shields are completely up and I haven't felt anyone try to bombard them in months. Nott isn't a legilimens- he's eleven! He must be talking about something else. He must be! Nott smiles again and my unease only grows.

"Yes, your secret." I take a deep breath. "But I won't ask you about it here -it's too public. Besides, you haven't even agreed to our deal. It would be rude to pry now." I blink rapidly in confusion at the boy in front of me. "You probably need some time to make a decision. I'll be in touch. Nice meeting you." Without waiting for a response, Nott inclines his head, gets up, and walks away. I'm left dumb and mute, trying to figure out what just happened.

Did he… He manipulated me! He wanted to see if I had a secret so he tricked me into admitting that I did! Ugh, I hate Slytherins! And what eleven year old says they'll "be in touch"? These purebloods make me crazy!

Was he even being honest about tutoring me or did someone send him to suss me out? But who could be on to me? They obviously don't know what's really going on, whoever they are. I sigh and get up from my comfortable chair. There's no point in me staying in the library now- I'm way too anxious to sit and study.

….

A week goes by in which I try to find out more about Nott. As I thought, he doesn't hang out with Malfoy very much. Nott likes to be in the background, not the spotlight, which makes me wonder why he would bother with a social outcast like me, who could bring a lot of undue attention his way. Malfoy is too boisterous for Nott's tastes and currently he spends most of his time either by himself or with a group of Slytherins. I haven't witnessed him talk all that much, even amongst his peers. This, of course, could all change as he gets older (or entirely if this isn't the timeline I think it is) but he seems pretty similar to his older counterpart.

"If you keep following me around all the time you're going to give people the wrong impression."

I swear I jump at least three feet in the air at the sudden voice whispering in my ear. I spin around to find Nott, looking much more normal in his school robes than the all black I last met him in. I admit even in all black he dresses impeccably well, but the school robes make him look slightly less like a standoffish prick. Just slightly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been standing at the corner of this hallway for five minutes waiting for me to walk by."

"You don't know that!" Which of us is the adult here?! How does he know that?!

"You've been following me around and staring me down during class for the past week. If you wanted to know more about me you could have just asked instead of stalking me."

"I am not stalking you!"

"I think this is the dictionary definition of stalking," he gestures at our surroundings.

"Aren't you just assuming things? Getting a big head listening to all of Malfoy's "pureblood" nonsense?"

"You really do remind me of a cat, lashing out every time you get backed into a corner," Nott points out haughtily.

"I am not lashing out!" I growl. Nott just raises an eyebrow in response and I realize that he's totally right. I take a deep breath to relax myself. "I just wanted to know why you suddenly talked to me. Slytherins always want something."

"Ouch. Good to know you don't like Slytherins."

"That's not true!" I try to backpedal. "It's just, every time I talk to one of you, you clearly have some other agenda."

"Well of course. It's not like you don't have one too." I almost retort, but when I stop to think about it, I realize that he's right- I do have an agenda when I talk to people. Looking for friends is still an ulterior motive, even if it isn't a bad one. If I ever speak to the golden trio it will only be to get, or give, information under the guise of being friendly.

"Having an agenda doesn't make you a bad person," he continues. "If anything, it makes us more honest because you _know_ what we're after most of the time. We're not faking it the way the rest of you are. I told you the first time we met that I wanted to know your secret."

"No, you were checking to see if I even had a secret!" I reply bitterly.

"Well, maybe that too," he smiles and winks, and that anxious feeling flutters in my stomach again. "So what do you say? Your secret for my potions knowledge?" He holds out a hand.

I oscillate between looking at his face and his hand. I still don't know what secret he's referring to. Can I make something up that will satisfy him? It would help if I knew what he thought he knew. Maybe it's nothing? Something ridiculous and childish like who I have a crush on? This could still be some elaborate prank as well… Unbidden, my grandmother's letter flashes through my mind.

_I worried when you started school that you would shut yourself away and live in fear of things completely out of your control._

What Nott thinks of me isn't within my control nor is this whole situation, really, but what good would it do me to ignore his offer? I do need the potions help. Would I regret it more to have something bad happen or to have missed out on something good?

"Deal." I shake Nott's hand and finally return his smile.

….

Nott and I decide to meet at the start of December, with it now being late November. He hasn't mentioned my "secret" since we made our deal, so I don't know when he's going to ask me to pay up. In anxious anticipation of our first meeting, I've been throwing myself headlong into my extracurricular studies.

Nott and I have spoken once or twice since our deal, although they've been rather short conversations. Other than those talks, I've continued to be a loner. I can't say I mind, splitting my time evenly between the library and the room of requirement for practicing new spells.

One evening after dinner, as I head off to the room of requirement, I have the misfortune of running in to Harry Potter yet again. I still wonder how such a large castle can somehow shove the two of us together so often. We stare at one another awkwardly on opposite sides of the hall, but neither wants to start a conversation. Now that we've noticed each other, it seems weird not to say anything.

"Hi Harry," I try lamely.

"Hi Charlotte."

I start to go up the stairs, but Harry tries to go at the same time and we both end up stopped again.

"Oh um, you're headed this way?" Maybe I really will end up sending him down a flight of stairs.

"To the Gryffindor common room, yeah." We both start walking again, this time not letting the awkwardness stop us.

"So...how are things?" I decide to break the silence. After all, asking him about his day isn't going to kill him. Hopefully.

"Fine," he answers automatically, the way I would answer my mom when I don't want to tell her how things _actually_ are.

"That good, huh?" I joke, but the punchline falls flat. Harry continues to stare at the ground ahead of him and avoids my gaze. Maybe this is good. I don't know what his deal is, but his awkward avoidance of me is perfect for making sure that I don't ruin his life accidentally. And yet, why does it bother me so much? "Did I...do something wrong?"

"What?" his head snaps up. "Oh no, I just, uhh…"

"So I did do something wrong."

"No, no. I just…" he pauses for a long moment. We continue walking past the third floor, where his attention is lost for a moment as he looks down the corridor. "I just thought you didn't like me."

"I can see why you'd think that." Harry looks at me again, confusion in his eyes. Clearly he didn't expect me to agree with him.

"I've sort of been trying to avoid you." I decide a version of the truth is the best way to explain this. "When we first met, my mom was being all boy crazy and wanted us to hang out so I could "fall in love" with you." Harry looks frightened. "I know, she's weird. So when she kept asking me how you were in her letters, I thought staying away from you would get her off my back."

"Did it work?" he asks after a few moments.

"A bit. I think it worked better that I started talking about another boy who doesn't exist." We both laugh at this.

"So you don't hate me?"

"Hate's a pretty strong word for someone I barely know." The irony of that statement is staggering. "Sorry for giving you the wrong impression." Why am I trying to make up with him? I should be avoiding him like the plague!

"Well...this is my stop." I was paying so little attention we made it all the way to the seventh floor. "Where were you headed?"

"Oh! I walked way too far! I didn't notice how high up we'd gone!" I turn around to head back.

"I'll see you in class?" Harry asks shyly.

"Uh, yeah! I'll see you!"

As I head back down the stairwell, I replay our conversation in my head. Why am I being so wishywashy? I cannot have any kind of relationship with Harry Potter- at all. Being rude to him is worth it if it means keeping him safe, so why do I feel so bad about it?

Finally arriving at the room of requirement, I abandon that train of thought to focus on the task at hand. I look around to make sure no one is nearby before thinking of the ideal room for today- a small, open space to focus on some dueling techniques. Obviously it isn't as beneficial to practice without a partner, but since I'm learning most of the spells for the first time, I figure it'd be better to practice on a dummy to start out.

Three pass-bys later and my room is ready for me. I walk inside to find it brightly lit by the setting sun with a human sized dummy planted in the middle. The dummy has a piece of wood clearly meant to be a wand shoved through the end of its arm, making me giggle at how ridiculous it looks.

"Have at you!" I shout playfully at the dummy. "Expelliarmus!" I call Harry's soon to be favourite spell and the dummy's "wand" moves slightly but doesn't fall. I picked this spell first because I thought it would be easy, but apparently I was wrong.

I check the back wall of my little room for the bookshelf I know should be there. It doesn't take me long to find the text I've been studying from. One of my future goals, maybe next year, is to make the charmed bags that Hermione made in sixth year for their Horcrux hunting escapade. In the meantime, since I don't have the skills for that yet, I've been forced to leave the books I'm reading in the library for fear of having people ask me what I'm studying. I could just charm them to look like something else, but that's not as safe as I would like.

For now I just make sure the room of requirement is stocked with the books I want so I can go to them as needed. Rereading the section on the disarming spell tells me that the stronger the spell for expelliarmus, the brighter the red light emanating from my wand will be. A very weak spell will only have a white light. My first try only left me with a small, white light.

"Let me try again," I mumble to myself. My second attempt isn't much better and I find myself falling down the rabbit hole of practicing the new spell for hours on end. "Who knew training would be so hard?" I moan, throwing myself on to the ground dramatically.

The spell is coming along well, at least the dummy is losing his grip on his "wand" now and a bright white light is coming from my wand. It still needs work, but for just a few hours of practice and study it's pretty good. I had hoped learning new spells would be as easy as playing some "Eye of the Tiger" and trying it out a few times, but it's much harder than I thought. When grandma taught me spells before the start of the school year, I assumed she was just teaching me very difficult spells, but now I know almost all spells are that hard to learn.

I groan and get up, stretching my, now sore, wand hand. Night has long since fallen and I'm definitely out past curfew.

"Oops," I murmur. I should care more about this, but I really can't bring myself to. I decide I would rather just stay here than try to make the trip back to my own bed. While I would probably make it back with no trouble, I don't want to deal with the possibility of trying to explain where I was to my bunkmates. If I stay here, I can run with the old lie that I had a migraine and stayed in the hospital wing, not that it's likely anyone will care to ask.

….

A week of anxiety and spellcasting later, Nott and I are meeting for our first tutoring session. We meet in the dungeons in an unused classroom that was apparently meant to be for potions at one point.

"How did you get this classroom and the ingredients?" I ask when I walk in.

"Nice to see you too, Ravenclaw."

"That seems like a mouthful of a nickname," I deadpan.

"Well if you stop acting like the paragon of your house, I wouldn't feel the need to call you that."

"You're tutoring me. Isn't that, like, the opposite of a proper Ravenclaw?" I sit myself on a stool across from Nott.

"You're seeking more knowledge about something you struggle to understand. That sounds like the perfect example of a Ravenclaw."

Damnit. He's got me there.

"I guess so," I acquiesce.

"Anyway, a hello is generally how to start a conversation instead of a question," Nott instructs.

"Oh, so this is an etiquette class now?"

"You clearly need it."

"Ouch, so rude," I laugh lightly.

"I told Professor Snape what we're doing and he gave me what we would need," Nott finally answers my original question.

"Wow, really? Just like that?"

"I _am_ a good student and a Slytherin. Professor Snape generally helps those he deems worth helping."

"But he hates me. I thought his hatred of me would outweigh how much he likes you."

"You overestimate his hatred. You irk him, I'm sure, but if you try at all and your name isn't Harry Potter he doesn't usually despise his students."

"What about Neville?" Nott smirks unkindly.

"Our head of house needs a hobby too, you know. Neville gives him enough headaches that he deserves what's coming to him."

"I very highly doubt that," I glare. "Besides, I'm nearly as bad as he is."

"Oh I've touched a nerve, have I? Didn't know you had such a heart for Longbottom."

"Oh shut up! Just because it's entertaining for you doesn't mean you should be condoning Snape's childish behaviour."

"And what, exactly, do you expect me to do? Tell the head of Slytherin house to be nicer to a Gryffindor? That would certainly go over well."

"Well...no…" I unclench my fists and sigh. Nott makes a good point. It's not like he can do anything about Neville's situation, but "...you don't have to gloat about it though." Nott looks at me intensely for a few moments, as if determining something about me.

Finally he says, "Whatever. It's not like I care." I look at him as well after that comment, but his expression is carefully neutral. I am starting to think he might care more than he is letting on…

"So what are we doing today?" I decide to get back to the task at hand.

"Do you have any trouble with the written aspect of Potions?"

"No, I always get good grades on the paper exams."

"So you understand what you're doing?"

"No, I never said that," I flush with embarrassment. "I get good grades- I don't understand the information." Nott pauses, confusion changing his features.

"So...you don't understand, but you still pull high scores? I can't tell if that's the most Ravenclaw thing I've ever heard or the least."

"Well I hate potions," I shrug, "so I'm clearly never going to do anything with them in the future, so why bother really learning the information when I can just skate by?"

"That doesn't sound like your house," Nott decides.

"It's not like we're all exactly the same, mister don't-be-so-prejudiced-against-the-snakes! Don't lump us all together."

"Yeah, sure. I get it. Though I still think you're the perfect example of a Ravenclaw."

"As if!"

"Whatever, Raven."

"What did you just call me?" I stare at him incredulously.

"You said Ravenclaw was a mouthful, and I agree, so I decided to shorten it. Now I can always remind you of what a nerd you are," Nott shows me that dangerous smile and for the first time I can't help but laugh when I see it.

"The things you find funny are so strange," I giggle.

"You're the one laughing at what I said," he points out.

"No, I'm laughing at you!"

"I guess you don't need a potions tutor then…" he pretends to walk away.

"You're the one who asked me here, remember?" He pauses for a moment and turns back around.

"So today we're going to start with the forgetfulness potion-"

"Hey, don't change the subject!"

…

My first tutoring session with Nott is tough. I'm impressed with his understanding of the material, even as a first year it's obvious that he has an aptitude for the subject. That being said…

"Why would you put that in now?" Nott asks, unable to keep the exasperation out of his voice as he grabs my wrist. "It's no wonder you nearly blow yourself up every class. I thought you said you got good grades!"

"And I told you I don't understand the material!" I reply bitterly.

"What is another name for Wolfsbane?" Nott suddenly asks.

"Aconite or monkshood," I answer automatically. "Why?"

"Is aconite toxic?" Nott ignores my question to continue grilling me.

"Yes." I decide to see where he's going with this.

"How toxic?"

"Extremely. We have to wear gloves while handling it to make sure we don't accidentally ingest any."

"What potion are we making right now?"

"A forgetfulness potion."

"So does it make sense to put a highly toxic ingredient into a potion you plan to ingest?"

I pause.

"But it said…"

"And therein lies your fatal flaw in potions. You know all the material, you're just not _applying_ the material." He holds up the ingredients list. "Where does it say to add aconite to this potion? And if it did, it would be prudent for you to think twice about that."

"What!? I swore it said that!" I grab the list from him and read it again. "Shit…" I mutter.

"Didn't take you for the cursing type," Nott seems taken aback.

"Oh, sorry," I blush. "It's a bad habit."

"A bit young for a habit like that, aren't you?" A long pause stretches between us.

"I, uh, yeah. I guess so," I laugh nervously. I'm violently reminded that Nott still wants to know what my secret is, and I still don't know what "secret" he is talking about. "I guess you're going to want to know-"

"Let's stay focused on potions, hmm?" He immediately shuts me down. How did he know what I was about to ask? Maybe it was about potions!

The rest of our lesson goes smoothly. Obviously Nott can't make me a potions master in one session, but I manage to brew a potion without setting anything ablaze.

"I would try what you've made, but even if you succeeded the results would be unpleasant," Nott says as he is looking over my completed project.

"You don't want to forget your obnoxious student?" I jest.

"I doubt I could forget you, little Raven."

"I'm the same age as you!" I lie. I technically lie? Ugh so confusing.

"Are you?" he asks with that same, frightening smile. I try to fight off the involuntary shiver that comes over me when he asks that.

"Yes! I'm eleven!"

"So we're not the same age then," Nott grins.

"What?" I ask, aghast. How could we not be the same age?

"I'm already twelve."

"Oh….duh."

"I think little Raven's head is fried. We're done for today."

"Whatever, Theo!" We both stop dead in our tracks. Nott may have picked out a nickname for me today, but that doesn't mean I had planned on returning the favor. It's obvious where the name comes from, Theodore Nott, but where did _I_ get it from? He doesn't have a large role in the books, but that doesn't mean someone didn't call him that at some point. But why did it stick in my head? "I, umm, I mean…"

"It's fine. It's only fair, since I have a nickname for you. Though Theo is technically more cumbersome to say than Nott."

"...you sound so precocious sometimes," I laugh, happily feeling the tension I had caused myself fading away.

"I think we're about the same level of precocious," Theo deadpans. I continue to laugh as we start putting things away, and, for the first time in my life, I wonder if someone wants to spend as much time with me as I do with them.

….

"It's almost Christmas!" I shout as I bounce into the tutoring room. December is fast coming to a close, and that means we're days away from our finals and our well deserved break. We've been meeting twice a week for our tutoring sessions, seeing as we didn't give ourselves a lot of time to go through a semester's worth of material.

"Must you yell when you enter a room?" Theo sighs. I find him sitting at a stool in front of an empty cauldron and our materials for the day.

"Are we really going back to etiquette classes?" I pout, coming over to sit next to my friend.

"They seem so vital to you, I'm seriously considering dropping potions so we can focus on that."

"So rude!"

"That's rich, coming from you."

"Anyways~ Shouldn't we be focused on something more important?"

"Like what?" Theo lifts up our potions review.

"No, not that! What you want for Christmas! Maybe some new clothes?" I gesture to his current outfit, the same all black ensemble I always seem to catch him in.

"Are you mocking the high fashion of pure blood families?" Theo jokingly asks.

"In fact, I think I am!" We laugh.

When we're not in public, Theo really lets down his guard. I don't take it personally that we barely speak outside these walls; I understand, probably more than almost anyone, how important it is for kids like him to be careful about who they associate with. It will only get worse as we get older, but I don't want to think about things like that right now. We've never spoken aloud about anything like that, but I can tell that he appreciates that I get it. Though sometimes I wonder what he thinks about me understanding his situation- as someone outside of that life, why would I know about his struggles?

"What I want for Christmas, huh? What do you want for Christmas?" he asks.

"You're not going to change the subject on me this time!"

"As if I ever get to."

"So?" I ask. Theo looks vaguely uncomfortable.

"I don't know. People don't usually ask me that."

"Your parents don't?"

"They just assume they know what I want."

"And do they?"

"I got a quill set last year," Theo eventually says.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. It's not like I care."

We may not have been friends for very long, but it didn't take long for me to learn Theo's signature catchphrase. _It's not like a care,_ is his coping mechanism- his way of protecting the vulnerabilities that all eleven year old boys have. Unfortunately, having the family he does and then being thrown into the snake pit, Theo was quickly forced to hide his insecurities. Instead of covering himself with false bravado, as many boys do, he chose to hide behind a wall of apathy.

"Well, why don't you think about it and get back to me?" I smile gently. I never try to make him open up more than he already does for me and I don't dare acknowledge how much he does. Theo needs to be strong to get through everything he'll eventually have to- no need to try to soften him up emotionally.

"Sure," he agrees.

….

Theo never ends up telling me what he wants for Christmas. I already have an idea what I want to get him so it isn't a big deal. I decide I want to give my gifts before we all leave for the Hogwarts Express instead of sending them by owl to arrive on Christmas- I prefer to see the recipient open their gift.

As everyone else is feverishly studying for exams, I'm busy going through order catalogues to get what I need owled to me before the holiday arrives. Now that I've had so much tutoring, I'm not even concerned about my potions final!

In the end, everything arrives on time and I manage to get an Acceptable on my potion's practical. I could have done better, but brewing in front of Snape flustered me more than I thought it would.

…

"Merry Christmas!" I say as I plop two boxes down in front of my favorite redheads.

"Wait, did you give me the right one?" The twin on my right immediately asks, checking the name tag, which I've purposely left blank.

"I don't know, have I?"

The three of us are currently in the Great Hall. I invited myself over to the Gryffindor table and sat down across from the Weasley twins. I previously sent a note to Theo to meet me at our usual spot after breakfast so I won't miss him before we all head home at noon.

"These don't even say who they're from!" One twin whines.

"Oh gee, I wonder who it could possibly be?" I deadpan.

"I don't know, brother of mine, who do you think these mystery gifts came from?"

"Well if you can't figure it out maybe these will be too intellectual for the two of you!" I go to take them back, but the twins immediately stop me.

"Thank you, Charlotte!" They chorus as they dig into the wrapping paper remorselessly.

"I'm sorry I got you both the same thing," I immediately start rambling as they look at the books. "I know you're two different people, but I thought it'd be even worse if I only got you one to share and-" I'm suddenly being enveloped into a hug.

"It's perfect," one whispers into my ear softly. They pull back and examine the books again. Despite how well I know them, I am still continually impressed with their synchronicity.

"Where did you find this anyway? _Potion Making for the Avid Prankster,_ doesn't even sound like a real book."

"It sounds like something we would write!" We all laugh. I may have asked Theo to look around for odd potion books. With his interest in the subject, I knew he could find some that I would never have been able to on my own.

"I have my ways," I wink. "Will I see you on the train later?"

"Sure thing! You can come sit with us! We'll give you your gifts then." They both wink back.

"Oh, okay." For some reason I never expected to receive something from them. "I'll see you then!"

….

After breakfast I head to Theo's and my usual place- the classroom we hold our tutoring sessions in. I open the door to find Theo sitting at a stool with his back to me.

"You're late," he says quietly.

"I said after breakfast, didn't I?"

"Breakfast ended ten minutes ago."

"Should you really start a conversation by arguing? Especially with the person who is about to give you a present?" Nott turns around, looking torn.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Friends don't get each other presents because they feel obligated. They do it because they want to."

"Friends?" Nott asks quietly.

"Are we not friends?" Shit, did I misunderstand something?

"I asked to tutor you so that I could get your secret. I didn't even hide that from you. Yet you still consider yourself friends with me?"

"In my defense, you still haven't asked for your payment. And so what? You're my friend, friends tell each other their secrets. You've told me things I'm sure you don't want me to repeat to other people." Nott winces slightly at this. "I won't tell anyone. Even if we aren't friends."

"You have a lot of faith in me."

"I don't think you're a bad person. I've generally got a good eye for that," I joke, not that he would understand the full implications of why that was funny.

"And what if you're wrong?"

"I could be," I admit honestly.

I don't actually remember if Theo fights for Tom or not. I think he was one of the Slytherins that ran from the fighting, but maybe he does pick up his wand in six years to fight against Harry. Just because I can't remember doesn't mean I'm going to assume that he's a bad person. It might be changing things to be friends with him, but I still can't even be sure I'm on the same timeline, so screw it.

"Why would you run the risk of being friends with someone like me?"

"Because human connection is worth risking yourself for." We both pause awkwardly. I sounded so much like an adult just then and that was way too honest! I need to be careful with letting my emotions get the better of me, even the positive ones.

"...I guess…" Theo eventually agrees.

"Here!" I shove Theo's gift into his hands. He slowly opens it. " _Defensive Potion Making?_ "

"I know it's advanced but-"

"It's great," Theo stops me before I can ramble any further. He's staring at the book with an expression I can't quite read.

"You don't have to say that if you don't like it…"

"No, I like it. I'm impressed you managed to find something useful that I haven't come across," he smiles gently, in a way that I haven't seen before, and I am even more sure that I've made the right decision.

Theo and I seem to have been thinking about the same things recently, about whether or not he is someone I can trust. But the more I've thought about it, the more I've decided to trust him. It might not be the "right" decision or the smartest, but, even if he doesn't know it, this present is my way of showing him that I do trust him. He could use that book to turn against me one day, to attack all that I stand for, but I don't think he will. I think he'll use it to protect himself from all that's to come.


End file.
